Holiday Season 2009

Life can be odd and interesting and sad and glorious, all at once.

That's what this holiday season has taught me.

Now that my schedule is thrown off due to lack of work, I've been up much later at night. Which means I can feel the baby move about a whole heck of a lot. (She's a nocturnal baby. Lucky us!)

I've taken to walking around the house with my shirt half way up so I can stop and watch her move at a moment's notice.

New life. It just doesn't get any less amazing to me no matter how far along this pregnancy gets. I'm still baffled by how incredible all of this is.

At the same time, the holiday season has been sad. Andrew's Dad's diagnosis of cancer has become more scary. More real. And when you put a timeline on life, it gets incredibly difficult to make sense of what's happening in your world.

So while I'm marveling at the amazing-ness of our new baby and becoming a new Mom, Andrew's grappling with the devastation of the mortality of his Dad - yet still trying to love and appreciate his own status of new Dad.

Life.

It can throw such curves at us all.

With all of this happening during a busy holiday season, I've also learned that there's really no replacement for family when you're experiencing these huge life changes and obstacles. You absolutely need family to help you through it. To lean on. To look into your eyes and smile broadly as they touch your stomach and feel movement. To cry on. To hug. To laugh with. To open presents with. To have little moments of joy with, amongst bigger moments of sadness.

Family is what makes all of it worth it.

Family makes me able to feel elated at the idea of my little girl coming into the world and meeting everyone who loves her so much already.

And I can only assume that his family makes Andrew's Dad able to get up every day despite the heavy weight on his shoulders and still enjoy every moment of time around him.

So, while I'm ready for 2010 and all the wonders it's going to bring - I appreciate 2009. The tough times, the amazing times, the happiness and the sadness. All of it has taught me that family is home. Family is joy. Family is life.

And it's a wonderful life.

New blogs to come

I'm still here!

I've just been on hiatus.

Haven't been at work for a week now... and it's been loverly to have a little time off.

Much to report. But I need to be more eloquent whilst writing. And right now is faaaaaaaaar too early for me to be eloquent. (7:11am on a day off = too early.)

Must have caffeine. Will write soon.

HAPPY NEW YEAR (soon)!!!

Hez and the noxious fumes

I'm still feeling sickly - but MUCH, MUCH better today than over the weekend, thank goodness. All weekend long I was exhausted. Ugh.

Last night I finally slept well and now I'm feeling much happier and joyous and Christmas-y and all that. (I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I only have two days left of work before I'm off for the holidays. Woo! Bring on Christmas - I'm-a ready!!)

So, here's a quick, little update on things that are new with me:

- Went to the family Christmas parties over the weekend. Both were nice. Lots of food. Mmmm... food. Lots of family to see. Was fun.

- I'm 31 weeks and a few days pregnant now. And my due date is officially only 2 months away. (As of yesterday). Crazy.

- I'm going to see my midwife again tomorrow for my regular check-up.

- Umm... yeah. I think that's it. Oh! Wait... Here's a fun little story for you:

I fell asleep around 9:30pm on Friday night and slept until 8:30 or 9am Saturday morning. With our old humidifier on. (This is key to the story development). Andrew had to get up really early and head into work for a few hours Saturday morning, so he was getting home from work right around the time I was waking up. Here's how the scene went down:

Hez: Yawn! (Stretching) Hmmm... even though I have a stuffed up nose and can't really smell, something seems a little off. *Sniff... sniff*. (Looking at the humidifier). Oh, wow! Our humidifier is still running?? (Looking closer at humidifier). That looks more like smoke coming out of it than steam...

Andrew: (Calling from downstairs at the front door)... I'm home! (Pause)....... It smells funky in here.

Hez: I think it's the humidifier!

Andrew: (Hustles upstairs, takes a look at the humidifier and quickly picks it up and takes it out back).

So, yeah. The humidifier was slowly melting itself. The plastic was burning and the noxious fumes were being inhaled by me as I was slumbering. Ah... such a lovely thing to wake up to.

Then, of course, I was certain that I had harmed the baby and became obsessed with her lack of movement. I lay still, prodding and poking my tummy... waiting for her to move. But - I got nuthin. Nothing all morning long.

Which made me even more neurotic than I normally am.

However, I had plans to go to the movies with Andrew, my brother and our friend Jay. So, off I went... still worried about baby, but trying not to let it overshadow the fact that I was going to see a very loud, very action-y movie that I was looking forward to.

And when the movie started in all its loud, action-y glory? Baby started kicking and moving like crazy. (I think she liked the movie. She's a movie buff like her Mama. I can tell.)

Anyway. She hasn't really stopped moving since. Thank goodness I didn't ruin her.

***Side note: I'm kidding. I'm not that crazy. Please don't tell me how neurotic I am and that everything will be fine with me and my baby and I don't need to worry and I just need to relax. I'm just joking around... It's what I do. :)

Happy "Only 3 More Days Until Christmas Eve", everyone!

Cold... part 2

Okay, so on November 6th, I documented my first case of pregnancy cold. Luckily, it only lasted about 3 days and never really achieved any significant status other than runny/stuffed up nose and headache.

This week, I've been dealing with the exact same symptoms as last time:

• Sore throat earlier in the week that has since gone away
• Stuffed up/runny nose
• Headache

(The days of the week even correspond exactly with the progression of the cold. Last time - felt tired and had a sore throat early in the week, and Friday was the worst day. This time - had a sore throat Tuesday and Wednesday, and now Friday is the worst day, again. Eerie!)

So here's hoping that, like last time, it doesn't really progress much... and I'll wake up feeling better and better as each day passes. Fingers crossed!

Anywho... I wanted to document how many times pregnancy makes me sick this winter. So - the "feeling like poo" count continues. Wish me luck that this is short-lived (again).

No sleep + hormones =

I only got 3 and a half hours of sleep last night. (Insomnia). Then, my cleaning lady called to cancel today's appointment and to tell me that she's not coming in the new year at all, either. In fact, she's never coming again.

My life is so horrible and crappy and these things keep happening to me and why me, why me, WHY?

Oh, wait.

That's not true at all.

Therefore, I give you, in no particular order...

Hez's List of Things She's Grateful for Right This Very Minute:

• A medium-sized, delicious latte from the fancy-schmancy coffee place, Le Gourmand.
• My friend Kim's son and his Christmas Concert video. Warmed my heart watching it.
• My friend Kim and her husband Char and their two amazingly cute kids, Liam and Nate. (They're such good friends to Andrew and I).
• Andrew. Of course. Goes without saying. (He's top of my list, always. Awww... schmoopie).
• My parents. Wonderful, amazing parents.
• My big brother, Chris.
• My in-laws.
• Christmas cookies. (Wait - I need to be more specific. See next point).
• Mom's raisin cookies.
• The wee one in my tummy.
• My house. (It's better described as a home.)
• My cat, Arwen.
• My parents' dog, Duffy.
• Boney M Christmas carols.
• The fact that people are still telling me I look nice. In my 7th month of pregnancy!
• My 7th month of pregnancy.
• My newly shaped eyebrows. (Thanks, Debbie at Concepts Salon and Day Spa!)
• Christmas with my family.

I suppose the list could go on and on. I'm feeling quite sappy today. I guess that's what lack of sleep and pregnancy hormones will do to you?

Happy holidays, everyone!

Got tissues?

If you can read this and not smile, shed a tear or feel your heart melt, I don't think we can be friends anymore.

Holiday dreams take flight
Plane takes off from Pearson to give kids glimpse of Santa

TORSTAR NEWS SERVICE

You could hear the squeals of joy all the way to the North Pole as Skyservice Flight 900 took off from Pearson International Airport on a special mission — to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus before the big night.

“Santa, Santa, Santa,” cheered 85 children and their families as the Boeing 757 made its way above the clouds to the fabled home and workshop of the jolly old elf, via northern New York, yesterday. It only took an hour thanks to the sonic rocket boosters on the aircraft.

And just as passengers big and small were getting into the groove, the captain announced the sighting of a strange craft pulled by what appeared to be reindeer. Then there was a thud and the sound of footsteps on the roof of the fuselage.

As if by magic, the white-bearded, barrel-bellied Claus himself appeared in the aircraft, ho ho ho-ing down the aisle as children shouted with glee.

“It was the real Santa,” said an ecstatic Stephanie Clayton, 7. “I know because I’ve seen him before and he only wears his magic glasses when he steers on the sled.”

Stephanie, her sisters Sydney, 10, and Danielle, 6, along with mom Denise were among the special guests on the annual Santa flight to the North Pole organized by the Starlight Children’s Foundation of Canada. Each year, it makes dreams come true for thousands of kids who are chronically, critically and seriously ill. Some may not see next Christmas.

“The adventure helps children forget their illness,” said Leisa Washington, Starlight’s great escapes co-ordinator. “The flight gives parents a chance to have fun with all their children.”

The fantasy flight was sponsored by Thomas Cook Travel Canada and Skyservice.

An open letter to my daughter

Dear baby,

2 more months and you’ll be making your arrival. Hopefully. (Please don’t be late, baby. You know how I feel about being punctual!)

In just 2 short months we’ll get to meet, face-to-face. Finally. You’ll get to match the voice you’ve been hearing to my face. I’ll get to see who’s been shifting and moving all over my tummy every day. I’ll get to see you, rather than just hear your heartbeat and wonder at what you look like.

We’ll get to gaze at each other for hours. We’ll get to smile at each other. I’ll get to hold you and cuddle you and kiss your face. You’ll get to keep me up at nights. (And that will be completely okay.)

When you’re sad, I’ll hold you. And try to make you feel better. When you’re tired, I’ll nap with you. (So will your Daddy. We like our naps.) When you’re hungry, we’ll feed you. And, when you get bigger, we’ll play together. And laugh. And be silly. I can’t wait to be silly with you.

I’ll watch your little personality come out more and more every day. You’ll see what Mama’s all about. You’ll have a Daddy who adores you to bits and pieces.

It’s going to be amazing.

We’re looking forward to meeting you, baby. You’re going to make us so happy. And we’re going to try to make you feel loved and supported and cared for, every single minute.

That’s what Moms and Dads do for their little Mini-Me.

And that’s what we’ll do for you.

I promise.

Love,
Mommy

Bah-humbug

Ah, Tuesdays. How I loathe them.

(Maybe loathe is too strong a word. I don't enjoy them, that's for sure.)

Tuesday is such a nothing day. You know?

I mean, at least on Monday, you've resigned yourself to the fact that you're at the very beginning of another long work week. By Wednesday, you're halfway there - so you've at least got "hump day" to celebrate. Thursday is fun because you're anticipating the fast-approaching weekend. And by Friday - you're home free.

So what about Tuesday? Tuesday is nothing. It's not the very beginning of the week. It's not half-way. It's just... a day.

Can you tell I'm slightly hum-bug today? I would go into the reasons, but I don't want to bore you. Or kill your soul.

Instead, I think I'll turn on some Christmas tunes at work and treat myself to a little hot chocolate later on. In a Christmas cup.

Chocolate and Christmas. Never fails to cure what ails me.

Mmmm... chocolate..........

It's 3:54am

And I've been awake since 2.

I love not being able to sleep the night before I have to get

up for work at 6am.

Sigh.

In lieu of sleep... here's a couple of picture of my goofy husband from a few weeks ago while decorating the tree.

Yes, he's wearing an apron. Decorating is serious work. It requires full frontal coverage.

29 week update!

I went to see my midwife yesterday. I'm now seeing them every two weeks. Yay! Makes things seem more real. And I feel so much further along.

Some new stats:

How far along: 29 weeks and 5 days (as of today). Does that seem crazy?? It's going fast, for sure.

Weight gain: (From 2 weeks ago)... Half a lb. Which takes me up to 26.5lbs. total.

Belly size: 30cms. Very rotund. And I'm loving it.

Baby location: She's got her head pointing downwards. She knows that's what she has to do to make a proper appearance in 10 and a half more weeks. She's so smart. Actually, she's very advanced, you know.

Other news: I'm getting more and more tired lately. Like - at 9pm my body thinks it's 2 in the morning or something. That's how tired I feel. Also - my lower back is starting to hurt more during the sleeping hours. Ugh. Snoogle - don't fail me now!

Also, I can't jog anymore. I'm too winded... so I'm down to walking and some yoga. (Mind you - I've been letting that go by the wayside lately. But I'm blaming that on the busyness of the holiday season).

Oh, and I've been feeling wee baby move a whole heck of a lot lately. And I can feel really hard parts in my tummy. Like - her bum, for example. It's so bizarre to me to think that I can actually physically feel her body parts IN MY STOMACH.

I don't know when this is going to start feeling real to me... but so far - everything is still kind of bizarro-world. There's a baby in my stomach. Like - a real, live baby. Huh. So weird.

Anyway - that's what's new with me. Baby and I are just trucking along.

Update...

...to come tomorrow, folks. Sorry. Have been swamped at work.

BUT - stay tuned! I'll have more baby talk for you after visiting my midwife today.

Man, I loves me some baby talk.

I did it. I broke up with her.

The cleaning lady and I have parted ways.

That's right. I got off my wussy arse and told her that come February, hubster and I would no longer be able to afford to have her clean our mess for us.

Her response? "Not a problem at all!!!" (With a big smile on her face.)

I think it's safe to say that she doesn't enjoy cleaning our home.

Evidence making it crystal-clear that said cleaning lady no longer wants us as clients:

• Almost every, single time she's scheduled to come, she calls the morning of... either to switch to another day or week, or to cancel all together
• She often gives us a long sob story about how sick she is, how tired she is, how she has to take care of her granddaughter (who's ten, by the way - and usually off at school like other normal ten year olds) so she can't make it ALL THE WAY to our house to clean
• (We don't live that far from her)
• She does a half-assed job most times. (I'm not being snotty... I can honestly see a dust line under our dining room cabinet - RIGHT after she's visited)
• She was positively JOYOUS (just short of dancing a jig, I'd say) when I told her we can't afford to have her clean anymore
• She followed that up by getting slightly grumpy when I asked her if she could come one more time in January

So, yeah. I have a feeling there will be no love lost when cleaning lady and I part ways for good in January. It was nice while she was around... but now I've got to do my own half-assed job.

I think I'll tackle that dust line first.

I think it's safe to say I'm pregnant

Here I am in all my 29-week glory.

It's a dark pic, and I'm standing far away, but if you were able to zoom in, you could see my tired eyes, pale skin, my double chin and my giant, giant belly. Also - did you notice that I'm wearing some lovely sweats? Yes. I think it's rather safe to say I'm in my third trimester. (Where have you gone, 2nd trimester glow??)

Anywho. On to other things.

Like - how cute is my cat? How great is my Christmas tree? How lovely does my home look? Not to brag - but Hez knows how to do Christmas. That tree is REAL, baby. And smells and looks amazing, if I do say so myself.

That is all. Happy holidays, peeps.

(PS: Special shout-out to my mother-in-law who just learned what "peeps" means!)

Baby says...

... leave me alone, dammit!

I've been poking and prodding her today because, suddenly - I feel something in there. Like something hard.

Bone, perhaps? A little foot or elbow maybe?

Either way - it's kind of fascinating me... and I can't help but push my tummy around to try and figure out what exactly I'm feeling.

Baby has responded in kind by kicking me and by making my tum-tum hurt where I was pushing her.

Seems that baby already has NO problem whatsoever telling people to leave her alone when she doesn't feel like being bugged. She's got a strong opinion - and she's going to share it.

Just like her Mama.

(I'm so proud).

Christmas. Woo!

The constant playing of Christmas music has begun.

I indulged in the ever-delicious Festive Special at Swiss Chalet last night.

My shopping is well underway.

Hubster and I are putting the tree up and decorating our house this weekend.

And we've already watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation once.

Let the holiday season begin, folks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
PS: Since this is technically NOT baby's first Christmas - hubster and I are not hanging a stocking for her, not buying "Baby's first Christmas" paraphernalia and are not purchasing gifts for our unborn child. (That's just bad luck... gives me the willies thinking about it.) However, we did purchase a stocking hanger for her so that it matches her Mom and Dad's next year. Cute.

I've found a cure for hormones!

Yesterday, I went out on my lunch hour and bought a few Christmas gifts for Andrew, along with a couple of Christmas CDs and a tall, non-fat, extra-hot, light foam latte from Starbucks (in a Christmas cup).

So I spent the afternoon feeling all happy and Christmas-y and great.

That was easy.

And tonight - I have the annual family tradition of dining out at Swiss Chalet for the Festive Special to kick off the "official" Christmas season. Because nothing says holidays like chicken and gelatinous cranberry mold.

(I actually really do love the Festive Special thing. You can't mess with a classic tradition.)

So, I'm feeling better. And I'm extremely excited about only having 3 more weeks (and 1 day) of work left before a nice week-and-a-half break.

Life is good.

Feeling it all

Well, I think the whole crazy hormone phenomenon is starting to rear its ugly head.

Last night and today, I've been kind of sad.

I'm glum. And a bit depressed. And I don't really have a strong reason to be. Which makes me feel all the more crazy.

Sure, there are a bunch of little things that are building up and bothering me. Like...

I feel a bit overwhelmed about all the holiday required visiting we have coming up. (I love the holidays and I absolutely love seeing family - but it really does get tough when you have to try so hard to be fair to everybody's feelings and make sure each family member around you is happy and sees you enough and nobody's snubbed and everything is just fine and dandy for everyone else.)

I'm kind of sad that this will be the first year I don't see my brother, mom or Dad on Christmas Day at all. They're Christmas to me. They've been Christmas for me for my entire life. Our traditions and our time together is what makes me feel like it's Christmas. And knowing they'll be doing it all, but I won't be there on Christmas morning is just taking a little getting used to this year.

I'm worried about my father in law and how tired he seems lately. There seems to be so much waiting involved... and it's tough.

I feel like I don't ever get enough quality time with Andrew. And it's only going to be less and less once February gets here.

I always feel busy. I can't seem to find enough time to see family, get quality time with Andrew, get everything ready in time for baby's arrival - let alone have time to just sit around in my pjs and watch trash TV or read a book or lie on the couch watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate.

Of course, I'm tired (couldn't sleep last night) and I'm sure that's just making everything seem a million times worse.

But with all those little things adding up, combined with some raging hormones and the inability to get a full-on, endorphin-pumping work out... Well - the results just ain't that pretty.

I'm tired. And sad. But I don't want a pity party. At all. I just need to express my feelings.

So, thanks for listening.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS: It's a few hours later, one long, awesome walk and a couch session with Oprah, my blanket and several hershey kisses... And I'm feeling much, much better. Hez is happy.

Fun fact

Here's something you may not know about me:

I can no longer make it from point A to point B without having to pee.

For example... right before I leave my office at 5pm each day, I go to the bathroom first. Then I hop on the subway for a nice, short 10-minute ride to Union Station.

But now (unlike before), as soon as I get off the subway, I have to madly dash for the Union Station bathroom for fear of not making it through the train ride home without bursting.

This is sad for many reasons.

But the main reason I find it sad and depressing? I must resort to using the World's Most Disgusting Washroom every day.

Ah yes, Union Station bathrooms. I like to call them the Trainspotting bathrooms. (If you've seen Trainspotting, you know the horror I'm referring to). They're nasty, people. I don't even want to go into detail, as I really don't like making my dear readers sick to their stomachs.

(Therefore, I won't tell you about the thick, curly pubic hair that was staring up at me from the edge of the seat yesterday. Or the unidentifiable stain on the floor I couldn't help but shrink with fear from. Or the freezing cold water that sprays with such a strong force that it feels like you're being poked by a million needles while trying to wash your hands. Which - in turn - results in water "run off" all over your jacket, pants and sometimes even face.)

No, no... instead - I'll just tell you that they're gross.

And I'll admit here and now, that even though I'm loving pregnancy, there are SOME things about being pregnant that just aren't enjoyable in any way, shape or form.

Nope. Don't like this peeing constantly thing one bit.

There - I'm human. I admit it. I'm not all schmultzy and "oh pregnancy is WONDERFUL!" all the time.

I'm sure my baby will understand.

Pics and stuff

Last night I went to meet one of my midwives who I hadn't met yet (she was on mat leave - ha!) Anyway, so it was my 27-week appointment.

And now I have few exciting things to report:

• I passed my glucose test! Woo! It all came back normal. So, I don't have Gestational Diabetes and my baby is doing fine.
• My belly is measuring 28cm. They say it should roughly correspond with how many weeks along you are. And since I'm 27 weeks, my belly is right on target. Yay! I'm normal! And I'm not necessarily having a mammoth baby!
• While sitting in the waiting room, Andrew and I were looking at my tummy (I told him I could feel some pressure-type movement going on in there). And suddenly - we both saw the baby make my tummy move!! It was really cool. Andrew's been feeling her move for a while... and now we're seeing it, too. Very cool.
• I start seeing my midwives every 2 weeks now. Hurrah! I love going and talking about my baby, listening to her heartbeat and other such fun things. Now I get to do it every 2 weeks. Wow. I'm officially in the 3rd trimester, yo.

So... now it's picture time. Feast your eyes on a few snaps from my lovely baby shower on Sunday. (PS: Some of the pics are clickable for a closer look).

This is Mumsie and I before the shower began. Three generations right there. Look how young and lovely my Mom is! Good genes in our fam, I would say.

Here's one of my favourite people in the universe... my cousin Angela - all smiles.

Neither one of us were ready for this pic. But doesn't my kitchen look lovely?

Full house. Lots of ladies. Lots of little babies.

My friends Kim and Jen, with the adorable Nate.

We got some awesome presents. This is the sleep sack I plan on wrapping wee baby in so she can sleep at night and not disturb her poor, tired parents. Hear that, wee baby??

Cute wash cloths and towels. So. Adorable.

Little Nate was loving all the action. Or, he was just loving his Auntie Jen's cuddles.

The cake!! Isn't it awesome? It tasted divine, as well.

I think it's safe to say I've been spoiled so far.

Baby showers

Okay. So I'm officially EXHAUSTED. (Drinking a latte now in hopes of lifting my eyelids a little).

But I'm also overwhelmed with happiness. (And little girly clothes).

Yesterday was my baby shower - hosted by my lovely Mom, with my sister in law and mother in law helping out. There were 29 women all piled into my living room/dining room area, along with several babies and another pregnant lady (my friend Amy who's due like ANY SECOND NOW).

It was awesome having everyone there. All the family and friends - together in a "world's colliding" type scenario.

And - oh. MAH. Goodness. The generosity!! The gifts were amazing. I absolutely can NOT get over how insanely cute little girl clothes are. And - believe you me - everybody LOVES to buy girl clothes. (How could you not go to a baby shower with a little girly outfit, right??)

So I got clothes, clothes, and more clothes. Plus some awesome things that I'll really need before baby arrives.

All in all, it was a fun, fabulous day. And I felt great.

Here's me just before the shower at 27 weeks:

More shower pics to come, hopefully! I didn't take any... so I'm waiting to see if anybody will be sending me some soon. Stay tuned!

I suck

My posts are short and sporadic lately. I suck. I'm sorry.

However, I'm exhausted right now. Like - DRAINED. Went to bed at 9pm last night... but I'm still having trouble keeping my eyes open. Wishing I could be in my bed right now.

That sort of thing.

Soooo... I promise to post something much better about me and baby on Monday. My baby shower is actually this Sunday, so I'll have much exciting stuff to discuss next week! (If you consider little baby items exciting, that is.)

Have a good weekend, peeps.

Mmmm... sugary goodness

I'm off to have my glucose test done this morning.

This involves me going to a lab, drinking a giant sickly-sweet beverage, sitting there for an hour (you're not allowed to leave) and then having my blood taken.

Woo! I've got to run now... so I'll fill you in on how much fun it was when I'm back.

~Hez

A life lesson, brought to you by Ellen Degeneres

Over the weekend, I watched an episode of Oprah I had recorded on my PVR (that thing has changed my life, I tell you. But that topic is for another day, another blog.)

Anyway, the episode happened to be featuring Ellen Degeneres. And, of course, Ellen's relationship with her wife Portia came up. Oprah said that she noticed Ellen's face light up when Portia walked in the room - and that Ellen seemed to be radiating joy lately.

Ellen's answer? "I'm happy." Simple as that.

(Sort of.)

Ellen elaborated to say that she felt like once she came into her own, and started living like she was meant to live - as who she was meant to be - she found herself happier and happier.

I swear, Ellen was talking about me right then and there. (Except for the whole successful gay woman with her own talk show and lots of money thing. Other than that - we're totally the same.)

When people keep asking me how I'm doing, or how my pregnancy is going, I just keep saying "I'm good! Really good!" Sometimes I can see them looking for a little bit more explanation. What about cravings? Or exhaustion? How about the heartburn? Yep - I've dealt with all of that. But, it doesn't seem to come into my mind when first asked how I'm doing. And I find that I really don't have any other words to explain to people how I'm doing, other than:

I'm happy.

I'm just so happy lately. I was happy before, but I feel like maybe - just maybe - I've started to discover who I'm supposed to be in life.

I'm a decent wife. A good daughter and sister. A pretty good friend.

But I think I'm meant to be a Mother.

I think I've already discovered a new side of me that's beginning to make me into a better person.

Ever since Andrew and I had that first ultrasound and saw our little baby, all tiny and a little alien-like, I've been different. I've been a bit more relaxed. I've felt good. I'm excited for all that is to come. The little things rarely get me down these days.

And I think in turn, I'm a better wife (I love Andrew more and more every day and can't wait to see this new side of him as Daddy), I'm a more appreciative daughter, I try to be a more thoughtful friend.

I fully realize that I'm at risk of sounding schmaltzy and all "puppies and rainbows" all the time. But you know? I just don't give a hoot. I'm going to smile right through it all.

Because I'm happy.

So very happy.

Let's all start with a little Mamas and the Papas

Monday, Monday... do do, do do do do do do do... (Imagine that being sung. By the Mamas and the Papas, I believe?)

Anyway. Here we are. Another Monday. Another week. And that would mean - another weekend is sadly over.

I had a great weekend, though. So I can't complain. It was one of those "do very little so you feel relaxed and chilled out" weekends, but still: "do just enough so you don't feel like a huge sloth". Perfect.

A few of the things that made this weekend rather enjoyable:

• Saturday night with the hubster. We rented a couple of movies and ordered in some Thai food. So we gobbled down our Green Curry, Chicken Pad Thai and Cold Salad Rolls on the couch, in front of the TV. Very relaxed. Very nice.
• Sunday hockey game. I went to watch Andrew play - and was pleasantly surprised when a friend showed up with her 1 month old baby. So. Cute. So. Little. So. So. So. Adorable. I was in heaven.
• Cook/Bake Fest 2009. Andrew and I got home from hockey and made dinner together: baked salmon with an orange mango sauce and an asian slaw. We made dinner side-by-side as we chatted and laughed and sampled the fare. Afterwards, we made oatmeal raisin cookies for dessert. And they were FAN-friggin-TASTIC. Then we retired to the couch again for tea and cookies.

Those types of weekends aren't very exciting.

But they're pretty darn sweet.

Oh! And baby didn't disappoint her Daddy again last night. Sunday evenings seem to be her favourite time to let her Dad know she can hear him. Andrew put his hand on my tummy and felt quite a few kicks just before bed last night.

Then he put his head on my tummy and baby nudged him in the side of the head, but good! I think she was letting him that he was encroaching in on her space.

You know - just a warning.

This is HER tummy for now. :)

I have a post coming... very soon! I'm just delayed cause my train was late today and I'm now getting caught up at work on regular Monday morning stuff.

Please check back!! I haven't abandoned my regular blogging schedule! :)

Hez

Feeling fine

I realized I didn't follow up on my cold status from a few blogs ago.

Things are going quite well, actually. I felt cruddy Friday, but woke up feeling so-so on Saturday. I felt okay enough to run a few errands and hang out with friends Saturday night (after a 2 hour afternoon nap, that is). Woo for naps!

Sunday I felt tired and sorta crappy. But I never really developed anything more than a stuffed up/runny nose and a headache.

Since then, I've been feeling better and better every day. So - the cold never really developed or achieved any significant status.

To which I say: Ha! Take that, cold! With your stuffy nose and your headache and your desire to make me feel much shittier than I ended up feeling. My strong immune system (even whilst pregnant) and my relatively healthy eating habits will laugh in your face! Laugh, I say! And then they'll dance a jig as you hang your head and walk shamefully away.

So. Yeah. All is good. I'm back to myself.

Hurrah! :)

Playing the little wifey role

Last night, hubster had to work late, unexpectedly. So, being the good wifey that I am, I decided to get dinner ready and have it waiting for my man when he walked in the door after a long day.

(I would have poured him a scotch and put on my face before he got home, too - but we had no scotch. And I just couldn't bring myself to carry out the little wife routine that far.)

Anyway. Yes, I also had a long day. But still! My man needs a wife at home who will cook for him occasionally. (Read: once a month... maybe.)

So, I prepared dinner, cleaned the kitchen, loaded the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and waited for hubby to walk through the door.

Then I remembered that I had the car that day. So, AGAIN being the good wifey that I am, I called him and told him to let me know when he was done work so I could come and pick him up.

After picking him up, SERVING HIM DINNER and then cleaning everything up afterwards... I decided that I should bake my man some fresh blueberry muffins.

So I did.

And then I checked my pulse, looked at myself in the mirror to see if it was still me and wondered where the hell Hez had gone and when she was coming back.

Needless to say, hubster enjoyed his evening.

25 week update

So... yeah.

Remember when I wrote about how I let comments like "you're big for how far along you are" kind of get me down a bit?

Well.

Allow me to present exhibit A:

Holy crap, I AM big!! "As big as a house" as my dear old Dad put it.

This is me at 25 weeks. Giant belly and all. Of course I'm fine with being big. I've got a baby growing in there, so I know it's all normal and natural. I'm just a little shocked because I don't really see myself this way when I look in the mirror.

Anyway. Wake up call. I will no longer gripe about how I think I'm not THAT big, because clearly? I am.

Again... I'm fine with it. I welcome it. I love being preggers. I'm not saying I don't want to be this way at all. I'm just surprised. (And I'm sure many of you can understand why I find it surprising. I mean, it's not a common occurrence to wake up larger and larger with each passing week. This is a first for me, peeps. Just getting used to it. That's all.)

So - here are a few 25-week stats for y'all:

How far along: 25 weeks, 2 days.

Symptoms: Feeling pretty good! Still have a bit of the acid reflux... but other than that, I can't complain much.

Weight gain: 19.5 lbs. Or... it was 19.5 lbs. 2 weeks ago. I'm sure that's changed, what with Halloween, Andrew's birthday (cake!) and my brother's birthday (more cake!) all occurring in the past 2 weeks.

Current food descriptor for baby: Eggplant. I'll say that again for emphasis: Eggplant. (That's big, yo!)

Movement: LOTS! Andrew felt another few kicks last night. (Finally.) Seems baby likes to show off her skills for Daddy on Sunday nights.

That's about it. My giant belly and I are off to go get our mid-morning snack on.

Cold... part 1?

I'm documenting right here and now that I feel like poo today.

I want to keep a record to see how many times I actually get sick over the winter season while pregnant this year. I'm hoping to God, Allah, Jebus and anyone else listening up there, that I don't get super-sick all season.

Symptoms this time around include:

1. Sore throat (Started earlier in the week and went away. So I'm actually not suffering from it right now).
2. Headache.
3. Stuffed up AND runny nose.
4. Groggy feeling overall.

I have a feeling that all I need is some rest. Hoping that this weekend provides me with much opportunity for it.

Anywho - the "feeling like poo" count begins. Wish me luck that this is short-lived.

I wish I knew how to quit you

So – my great dilemma of the day: How do I break up with my cleaning lady?

(Oh god, I am SUCH a snotty white girl.)

Seriously though. When baby gets here, hubster and I are going to be tightening up our budget in many ways. Not commuting downtown on the expensive GO transit system and subway will help.

(Not being a sucker for Christmas at Starbucks will also help. Today is the third day in a row I've gone by to treat myself to an expensive beverage, mostly because I love their Christmas cups.)

Anyway. So we've decided that it would be ridiculous to continue to pay someone to come clean our house every 2 or 3 weeks, when I'm fully capable of doing it myself. (We also won't really have any spare cash floating around since I'll be on E.I. and broke and all).

The only reason we have a cleaning person now is because we're both busy with our full time jobs and regular errands and house stuff and so on, that when the weekend rolls around, we either have very little time to do it ourselves, or we're just too exhausted to do a proper job from top-to-bottom.

Enough rationalizing though.

Now, how do I break it off in a nice, polite way? Sure it sounds like it's easy enough. Just say "I'm going to be home on maternity leave, so we'll be doing our own cleaning". Simple.

But for some reason I'm terrified of sounding like some snobby, privileged 30 year-old to my 60-something cleaning lady. I don't want to be all "We'll no longer be needing you dah-ling... but thank you for your service thus far. Please be a dear and see yourself out, m'kay?"

I think too much. I know.

Anyway. I'm sure I'll come up with something polite to say and say it at the right time. But in the meantime, I'll be Classic Hez and will be festering over what she'll think of me, how I'll come across and whether or not she likes me.

Ah, paranoia. It suits me so well, no?

Zzzzz......(again)

I'm starting to feel very tired in the evenings. And I'm only 24 weeks along.

This makes me nervous for the next 16 weeks of gestation. (16 weeks! Gah!)

(Mamas who remember being 24 weeks pregnant - help me! Tell me it'll all be okay! Lie to me if you need to!)

Personally, I think it's the whole working thing. Getting up every day to get showered, dressed, commute, spend 8 busy hours at the office before commuting home, having dinner, getting lunch ready for the next day, and whatever else is going on... well - it's suddenly very tiring.

Of course, I may just need a good jog to get my energy going again. (I haven't gotten any exercise at all since Sunday. And even then - it was very little. My body is mad at my laziness of late, I suspect.)

So, I'm off tonight for a little jog/walk with my Running Room group. Hopefully that'll cure what ails me.

Or... It'll completely knock me out.

A swift kick in the noggin'

We think hubster got kicked in the ear last night.

Here's why.

I went to bed to read for a little bit before going to sleep while Andrew was downstairs finishing up some stuff around the house.

Somehow, Arwen the cat (who has "somebody's in bed!" radar) knew to immediately crawl on top of me at that moment and beg for love and affection. So, as she was sitting on my tummy, nudging my hand to rub the side of her face (I could no longer read, as Princess Arwen would have none of that), I felt the baby move. Like... really move.

It was the first real, true, undeniable 'kick' I've felt. I've definitely experienced lots of movement up until now. But this felt like a real little foot or leg or arm actually nudging me!

My eyes went wide as I stared at Arwen. "Did you feel that?!?!" I asked.

Arwen just stared at me and purred into my face.

So I called Andrew to come upstairs, hoping he could feel something.

"The baby moved! Like a BIG kick!" I exclaimed.

"Cool. Maybe I'll feel her this time," Andrew smiled as he rested his hand on my tummy. (Arwen had long since left, clearly annoyed by the fact that I raised my voice in her presence).

After feeling no movement for a little while, we decided Andrew should put his head on my stomach to see what he could hear in there.

And that's when it happened.

"Did you just move your jaw?" I asked.

"No. Did you just move or stretch or something?" he asked me.

"No... That wasn't me."

"Well, if it wasn't you and it wasn't me... I think I just got a little kick to the side of the head."

Then we spent the next 5 minutes grinning at each other goofily.

Things that make me feel better:

1. The weekend.
2. Going to a cute cafe with a good friend for a giant hot chocolate to catch up.
3. Getting a facial at a spa.
4. Spending time with the hubster and good friends.
5. Going for a short run in crisp weather.
6. Lazy Sundays.
7. All of my amazing family and friends who make everything in life wonderful.

Thanks guys. :)

Feeling down

I am totally in need of love today.

And chocolate.

Anything that makes me feel happy and comforted, really.

Had a horrid day yesterday. My emotions ranged from content to upset, to angry, then bothered, uncertain, sad, agitated and even meh.

Sometimes I just feel like I can't do right. I try. I really do. But something I do makes one person unhappy. Another person takes what I'm saying the wrong way. Things are disorganized, and when I try to help organize, I'm told not to get "all worked up".

It's just sucky.

Recently, there have been people who tell me I'm looking "big" for how far along I am in my pregnancy. News to me. I thought I was normal. Someone told me they should lend me their fat jeans, because the thighs are bigger, just like mine are. Someone smirked at me while telling me to calm down. My husband agreed with me when I said maybe I needed to be more positive. (Sometimes you just want them to say the "right" thing, you know?)

Anyway - woe is me, blah, blah, blah.

I know I really shouldn't be complaining. But it just seems that every once in a while, I can't help but be human and let the little things all pile up and get me down.

Which is why I need chocolate today. Mass quantities of it, please.

And yes, I know I'm an emotional eater. But just for today? It's okay.

Me stuff

Has anybody else noticed how BAD I've been with the posting lately? Sorry 'bout that.

So. Things that are new with me: My belly is getting very big, I have to take the glucose test soon (to see if I'll likely get Gestational Diabetes while pregnant), Andrew's birthday is on Monday, we're going to our old University town this weekend to hit up our favourite wings and beer pub to celebrate Andrew turning another year older, we're still working on getting the nursery done-ish in time for my baby shower, I'm finding myself more and more tired lately, and... we've already accumulated two pink outfits from the grandparents since telling them that we're having a girl.

Phew.

Oh. And I have an appointment at a spa for a facial this Saturday. Which I've been looking forward to for 3 long weeks now. Waiting for this facial has been almost as excruciating as waiting to find out if we're having a boy or a girl. (Okay, not quite. But still. I wants me this facial!)

That's it. That's all. Or, that's all I can think of right now.

Enough about me. How are you lovely folks doing?

Baby showed us the goods

After a brief hiatus, I have some news for all my lovely blog followers.

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hubster and I found out yesterday morning that we're having a wee baby girl.

I could not be more excited. (And neither could my Mom, who promptly came over to see me with a pink fuzzy baby hat as a gift).

It's getting so much more REAL every day.

Welcome to the family, little girl.

It's fall. And Friday. Double woo.

Andrew's parents called him to congratulate him on being "so smooth" after reading my last blog. I guess they didn't see the part where I got him a gift, too. The sun only shines out of his arse, I see!! I wonder if this is how I'll be with my kids?

Anyway, moving on!

Today's a crap-tastic day. Rainy and windy and chilly... oh my! However, I walked to the train station this morning and couldn't help but feel really content. I was, after all, walking through a pretty pathway covered with fall leaves.

Even with a bit of rain, how can you NOT appreciate the reds and yellows and golds swishing around your feet and decorating the air around you? How, I ask you!?

So... yeah. That's about it with me. Excited it's Friday. Ready for the weekend to start. Looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning.

I lead an exciting life, y'all.

Wish I had more to blather on about. Hope this holds you over on the "All Things Hezzie" front until Monday.

Enjoy the weekend!

Happy anniversary, Hun

Today marks 3 years of marriage between the hubster and I.

Andrew and I stood in front of all of our friends and family 3 years ago and made a public declaration of our love for each other.

Then - we drank, ate and partied the night away.

Since then, we've put a lot of work into our house, we've gone on some amazing vacations, we've dined out at fancy restaurants and spent a lot of time with our friends and family. In short, we've been living a fabulously wonderful married life.

3 years goes fast when you're having fun.

This morning, Andrew dropped me off at the train station before work. We gave a quick smooch and said we were looking forward to seeing each other tonight for dinner. We decided we wouldn't do gifts or cards, as that's not really our thing. We just want to do what we love - dine out at a nice restaurant on some delicious food and spend time together.

So, I sat on the train, grabbed my book from my purse and settled in for the commute, just like any other day.

Only this time, when I opened up my book to where I last left off reading, I found a blank envelope with the word "Hun" written on the front in Andrew's unmistakable writing.

I started smiling before I even opened the card.

We've lived 3 years of it, but those 3 words from Andrew, in his little chicken scratch writing on a simple, cute card... they just never cease to make me unbelievably happy.

I'm still smiling now.

Reader Discretion Advised

Attention: If you don't want to know something weird that's happening with my boobs, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT continue reading. (I wrote that mainly for my brother. Hope you appreciate it, Chris!)

So. Something's up with my jubblies.

I've heard all about the weird and wonderful things that happen to your body during pregnancy. You change. You adapt. Your body does some crazy things, all in the name of growing a human being. I understand it and accept it all for the most part as it happens to me.

However - there is nothing that can prepare you for the first time that stuff leaks out of your boobs. I now know this from first-hand experience.

The other day, I woke up from a nap with a big wet spot on my shirt - right over the boob area. I thought "Hmm... that's odd. A wet spot right there. In a perfect circle." I had a feeling it wasn't drool.

So I decided to experiment a little to find out what was up with my gazoongas (as Andrew started calling them ever since they grew to gargantuan proportions during pregnancy).

**THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD REALLY STOP READING, CHRIS.**

Alright. I admit it. I wanted to know what was up. I wanted to know if it was what I thought it was. So... I gave my boob a little squeeze.

And stuff came out. Clear liquid stuff.

GAH!!!! Can I just tell you how WEIRD it is to see stuff come out of your boob when you squeeze it for the first time?? It's WEIRD. Very, very weird.

As normal and as natural as all this is supposed to be, I found it a little freakish that my boobs were already leaking. I'm only 22 weeks along! I'm not ready for leakage yet!

I told a few people about it, cause I just couldn't get over the weirdness of it all.

"My - you're going to have quite the milky, wh-white breasts" a friend said in her best southern accent (she was quoting a line from A League of Their Own that always makes us giggle).

"Imagine what it'll be like when you're actually breastfeeding!" Andrew said to me in amazement, "You'll be able to squirt clear across the room!"

So, I guess my booby leakage isn't as quite freaky as I thought.

Most people seem to find the whole thing udderly amusing.

(Oh yes, I went there.)

Productive weekends

Another weekend, come and gone.

Ah, Mondays.

Funny thing is, I don't really dislike Mondays. Especially after weekends that feel particularly restful. Like the one that just passed.

Friday evening, hubster and I decided not to do anything productive with the baby room or the house. We made the executive decision to not exercise or go buy things on our list of items we need. Instead, we went for dinner and a movie. Just the two of us. It was the perfect date night.

On Saturday, I decided to be all self-righteous and get a lot of stuff done. So, I got up early and went for a half hour jog/walk with my Mom, then came home and dug up all the weeds in our front garden, then emptied the dishwasher, did the laundry, made a meal plan for the week and a grocery list - and still managed to take a two hour nap.

Sweet.

Sunday, I went for another jog/walk (this time, about 25 minutes). Then went to my prenatal yoga class, did some more laundry, baked a batch of cookies and managed to fit in a half hour nap.

Sweet. Again.

It was the perfect balance of nesting (baking cookies and weeding the garden... definitely not on my list of typical weekend activities) and relaxation.

Now I'm ready for the next week. (Only 15 weeks left until I'm done work for a year, by the way.)

(Not that I'm really counting.)

(Just sayin'.)

Things

Things that are new with me:

• I bought a pair of black leather boots yesterday. Hurrah! They have a tiny heel and are scrunchy and cute and fashionable. I feel fabulous wearing them.
• I was at work from 8:30am until 9:30pm yesterday, so I'm a little bit tired today. But still happy about my boots. (Also - had free sushi for dinner. Double hurrah!)
• Next week is my wedding anniversary. Hubster and I are going to celebrate by dining out at a fancy Japanese restaurant in Toronto. Ooh-la-la. We're so chic.
• I've got a Starbucks-and-Spa date with my girlfriend Sarah set up for the end of the month. I can NOT wait. We're going to gab about girly things over lattes, then go get facials. Again with the ooh-la-la, we're so chic.

That is all.

On parents

Sometimes I can't sleep at night. And my mind starts going into overdrive.

I just keep thinking about stuff.

Like, how will I be as a Mama? What's it going to be like? I know my life is going to be different... but how? Will I love it? Will my baby love me unconditionally?

And then I start thinking about my parents. My Mom did what I'm doing now. She carried me for 9 months. She dealt with the heartburn and the exhaustion and the morning sickness. For me. She experienced all the things I'm experiencing now. Like, my first kick inside her tummy. She probably felt the same amazement and wonder that I feel now. She did all this. Just for me.

It completely blows my mind.

I'm starting to see my parents in a different way already. Now that I'm experiencing these things and I know my Mom did it, too (and gladly) for my brother and I, I find that I'm continually amazed by my parents.

My Mom and Dad were such good parents. I thought I really appreciated them before this. But this... this is new.

We went through some rough times as a family. But I didn't really know about any of it at the time. I didn't know until much, much later in life when I was an adult. And that's because my parents gave me the care-free kid's life that all children want and need. They put me and every little need I had before themselves.

And why? Why did they do that?

I guess I didn't really understand or fully appreciate everything they did for me or why they did it until I felt my baby for the first time. When I started to know this new, incredible love.

My love for my parents has always been incredible. But now? I think now it's going to be taken to a whole new level.

Man, I'm lucky.

Cute, little baby items

Omg.

OMG!

I need to get stuff done, guys. Like - actually get stuff done.

I don't know if it's the whole nesting phenomenon taking place, or the realization that November-December is going to be very busy with holidays and family and so on and so forth... but I'm now 5 months along and we totally have to start planning and getting stuff done. Wee baby deserves it.

Thankfully, hubster picked up on my not-so-subtle freak out last Friday and went into super-hubby mode this weekend. Which is why we got a LOT of stuff done.

Things we did this weekend:

• Primed and repainted the nursery after deciding we didn't like the colour of paint we originally chose (and painted the walls with.) (PS: Thank you for helping in laws!!)


• Bought, painted, cut and installed all new base boards and trim around the window and doors in the nursery


• Assembled the change table (We have a cute change table! For baby things! Cute, little baby items! Hurrah!)


• PS: When I say "we", I have to give credit mostly to Andrew. He was a working machine this weekend! It was awesome. And? He looked really sexy in his rugged work clothes. Mmmm...

Things we still need to do:

• Find and purchase a rocking chair/glider, throw rug and blinds for the nursery


• Put together the crib


• Have a mural painted on the nursery wall


• Pre-register at the hospital where we'll be having the baby (Apparently you have to do this like, NOW! I thought I could do it in January or something. Not so.)


• Register at Babies R Us (now that the shower has been moved up to November - have to get on this. Which? Am very excited about. Yay baby stuff!! Cute, little baby items!!)

I'm sure there's more stuff. But this is my "DO NOW" list. Hence, the mini-freak out/breakdown last week. What can I say? I'm a planner.

I may be slightly neurotic... but at least I'm cute.

And so is the hubster.

On the next episode of Cribs

I'm finally starting to feel awake and alert enough to write a blog for today. You know... after my morning-long haze, but before the post-pizza-lunch-sleepies kick in. Better take advantage.

So last night hubster and I went with my Mom and his Mom to go check out baby furniture. I have to say - it was a bit overwhelming at first.

I think that's because we went to Sears - Land of Disorganization. Have you been there? It kind of took the fun out of the shopping experience for me. Things were jumbled up everywhere. There were only a few cribs on display. The one glider/rocking chair they had was filthy. Not exactly exciting for our first shopping expedition.

But then! Then we went to Babies R Us. That place KNOWS how to market to new Moms (and grandmas) let me tell you.

Everything was in order and in just the right place. All the cribs were gleaming and decorated beautifully with blankets and bumpers in soft greens and yellows and pinks and blues. The gliders were plush and soft and seemed to envelop you as soon as you sat in them.

It was baby shopping heaven.

So, Andrew took control (I couldn't decide, there were too many pretty things to look at!!) and picked out our crib and change table. He was all set to get our baby some furniture. We were there. And we were NOT going to leave empty handed.

***********
Editor's Note: I've been writing this blog all day and I waited too long to finish my thoughts. I've now hit the post-pizza-lunch-sleepies. So this post is ending in a less-than-well-written-way. My apologies! Enjoy your long weekend, Canucks!

Follow up...

... to yesterday's whiny post:

Last night I slept well. Hurrah! Hubby's nose didn't whistle (yay!)... but he did snore. But that's okay, because he only had to be told to turn over once. Hurrah again! And he gave me a neck massage earlier in the evening for my aches and pains. Woo!

Also, I went to my Learn to Run Running Room clinic and had a wonderful time. I got out in the fresh air and socialized with some very nice people. I also had a nice, 25 minute jog/walk. And then came home feeling fantastic.

So all is well in the world of Hez.

So. Very. Tired.

Oh my goodness folks, but I am tired.

Last night I woke up at 3am. Then proceeded to toss and turn over and over again. Then listened to my husband's nose for awhile. Then had to get up and take a Tylenol for the crazy ache in my neck/shoulder region. Then stared at the clock. Then felt sorry for myself.

I think I finally fell back asleep around 5am. Only to have my alarm clock go off an hour later.

So, needless to say, I'm pretty zombie-like this morning.

I refuse to update Facebook like I normally would after a night of restlessness... simply because I just don't feel like listening to people tell me to "get used to it" or "it'll only get worse". I know that it's just Moms passing on their wisdom to me in nothing but a kindly, friendly, camaraderie-type way.

But, today, I just want to feel slightly sorry for myself.

Then, I'll go home and take a nap.

Yoga for fatties?

I think there's no denying that I'm loving pregnancy.

I feel good. I've been told I'm "glowing". My belly is getting rounder, and I love rubbing it every now and again.

But, for some reason, I still can't get the whole weight issue out of the back of my head.

I remember when my friend Kim was pregnant and she told me it was hard seeing the number on the scale going up and up. I was baffled by her comment.

As a non-pregnant person, I just couldn't imagine how she could even think that way. How could the number NOT go up? How could you worry about it when you're pregnant? That was just silly.

Then I got pregnant. And the number on the scale kept going up and up.

And then I went to a prenatal yoga class and started freaking out that the girls in the row ahead of me who were 26 weeks pregnant didn't even look pregnant AT ALL from behind. When I looked at myself in those giant yoga mirrors, I didn't really like the chubby back, arms and thighs staring back at me.

The truth is, I'm not letting it take over my life, by any stretch of the imagination. I don't obsess. I'm happy. But, at the same time, it's hard to just turn off this mentality that thin is perfect and right and lovely. Even when pregnant... all you should do is gain a bump. The rest of the weight gain? Well, that's just unsightly.

Anyway. Even though I've gained more than the books say I should have by now (one email actually said 'The weight gain has just barely begun'... at 20 weeks!! Does gaining 14.5 lbs. count as 'barely beginning'??) - and even though I'm about to bypass my husband in total poundage... I'm trying to be okay with it.

After all, this is the only time in my life where I can indulge when I feel like it and not really fret over those extra calories.

I should be enjoying it! Taking it all in! Loving it!

And if somebody would just tell those women in my yoga class...

I could.

The waiting game

So. I went for my 20 week ultrasound this morning. Of course, I was SURE that I was going to find out if my wee one was a boy or girl. And, of course, I went to a lab in my area where the technicians are not allowed to tell you the results.

 

Which means, I have to wait until my next midwife appointment to find out the sex.

 

That's not happening for 3 more weeks.

 

*Insert frustrated, exasperated noise here*.

 

"Oh well, three more weeks isn't too bad. One thing that parenting teaches all of us is patience!" a good friend of mine said to me.

 

Which? Yes… she definitely has a very valid point. But at the same time, I REALLY want to know. Like… now. (I have trouble with delaying gratification, as you can probably plainly see).

 

I've realized… this pregnancy thing. It's interesting. It's a very long process of waiting. And hoping everything's okay. And more waiting. And poking your belly every now and again to see if you can get your baby to move. And then waiting for your next appointment so you can hear the heartbeat.

 

If you're feeling good (like I am right now) and aren't too huge (like me right now), there's not a lot going on to remind you that you're pregnant. So you grasp onto anything and everything to help bond with your baby until that end moment.

 

That end moment.

 

I have a really great feeling that in the end, all this waiting is so worth it.

 

Oh man, how it'll be worth it.

One of the things that's pretty much tops on my list of Things I Love: browsing through book stores.

With a bit of downtime today, I decided to take advantage of my lunch break and head over to Indigo to see what's new in the world of books. (I was also excited to see if John Irving's latest novel was available yet. Alas, I was too eager. Not out until October 20th).

Anyway, as I was browsing through the "New and Hot Fiction" section, I saw a book I've picked up on many occasions, but have not yet bought. It sounds good. It looks good. But I just haven't gone for it. I just haven't been completely sold.

As I flipped it over to read the synopsis on the back (again), I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

"Excuse me, is that The Glass Castle?" a friendly looking man asked me.
"Yes," I replied.
"That is one of THE best books you'll ever read."
"Really?" I smiled.
"Absolutely. The story is amazing. The characters just get you right away. So good. A must read!" he answered enthusiastically.
"Wow! Thanks very much!" I nodded at him as I glanced over the book again.

He left with his purchase, leaving me with a big grin on my face.

Because another thing I absolutely love? Are fellow book enthusiasts.

And this kindly book lover had me sold.

To run is to be

It's right around this time of year that I usually start running again. The Running Room clinics I participate in start up... the weather is unbelievably beautiful and perfect for jogging...

But this year, I won't be joining my usual 10k clinic and running between 4-10km 3 times a week. (And then my usual half marathon clinic and running between 4 and 21kms.)

Le sigh.

I remember, way before I was pregnant, I was determined to run during my entire pregnancy. "I can totally do it. And I will. I can't give up running!!" I thought.

Then I actually started running whilst pregnant and found that it just didn't feel right. I had a heavy feeling at the bottom of my stomach and I moved MUCH slower than I was used to. My body seemed to be telling me something.

So, I decided it was best to listen to my body and err on the side of caution. That's when I took up walking. (And prenatal yoga, of course.)

I'm absolutely loving the walking. I went for an hour-long walk with the hubster last night in the crisp, fall air. We brought along our mugs of decaf tea, and spent the evening talking and walking through our gorgeous neighbourhood. It was really, really nice.

But... I can't help but feel that something's missing.

I still miss running.

I miss going for a nice, long run in the cool fall air. I miss feeling my cheeks getting all cold and red, and them warming up afterwards with a hot shower and cozy pyjamas. I miss the undeniably fantastic feeling after a run. I miss feeling alert and alive. I miss talking with fellow runners about our time, how our limbs are doing, and how good it feels to be out again.

I miss being alone with my thoughts. Feeling revved up by a really good song as my legs take me further and further along my journey. Being with my Mom. Having a cup of tea at Tim's after a long run and feeling strangely proud of myself: strutting around in my running gear, knowing that everybody in Tim's must see that I. Am. A. Runner.

This year, I'll be joining either a walking clinic or a Learn to Run clinic, so I can still get some exercise with a group on a weekly basis.

It certainly won't be the same. But it'll still be good. And when baby arrives, I hope that I'll feel up to running again soon after. I hope I'll have the energy to make those impressions on the pavement again.

Because running has certainly made an impression on me.

Proud of my ability to work Tony Danza into the story

A couple of nights ago, I fell into bed, exhausted and worn out. I lay on my soft, soft bed, nestled between sheets and comforters and body pillows (oh my!) And then I looked up above me, revelling in the complete and utter satisfaction of the gloriousness that is my bed.

That's when I saw them.

A million little bugs. All over our walls and ceiling.

We had the window open that evening to get some of the fabulous fall fresh air into our room. Little did we know that those itty-bitty, yet HUGELY friggin' annoying bugs that seem to be infesting our suburbs right now were infiltrating our room.

(Thank you, Arwen the cat, for making little tiny holes in our screens with your claws).

So, I hustled out of bed yelling "EW!" as loudly as I could, in hopes that the hubster would come to the rescue. (It honestly was not much of an exaggeration when I said there were a million bugs. Really. T'was gross.)

Hubster was indisposed at the time (in the bathroom), and yelled "Get the Dustbuster!" at me.

"The Dustbuster??" I yelled back.

"Yes! The Dustbuster. Dust those little suckers."

Hubster knows about such things. He's my very own MacGyver/David Suzuki. So I don't question his somewhat strange suggestions.

So, I ran downstairs, grabbed the Dustbuster and came back into my bedroom. WITH AVENGENCE. Those stupid little bugs were not going to ruin my wonderful sleep by creeping into my open mouth (yes, I'm a mouth-breather) or getting into my hair. Oh no. They were going to die. And I was going to show them who's the boss. (Tony Danza reference! Nice.)

Anyway, I hopped up onto the bed and got into some weird kind of starfish stance with my legs apart and arms held together and above my head. (For some reason, I felt this would aid in my bug-killing).I switched on the Dustbuster... and I went to town.

Before I knew it, most of those dumb little suckers were gone. The bedroom was relatively bug-free again. I could sleep soundly.

And so.

The morale of the story? Well, dear Internet... I've discovered that when life gives you lemons...

You just gotta dustbust the crap out of them.

Rose coloured glasses

Getting pregnant has done wonders for my outlook on life. After seeing my baby at the first ultrasound, it was like something just clicked. All of the sudden, everything was put into perspective.

The small stuff? I really don't sweat it anymore.

Case in point:

Some projects at work have been running a little bit "less than smoothly", shall we say. Now, I could get super-frustrated and vent and argue and feel my face getting all red for everyone to see. Or, I could try to come up with the best solution possible to make the client and the team happy, laugh it off, and move on my merry way.

I've been consciously making an effort to try the latter.

And what I've noticed? Is things don't get all big and blown out of proportion. People smile at me more. I don't have to have those awkward, "Look, it's not you, it's the project that makes me frustrated" conversations.

It's pretty nice.

Funny how in one day, in one moment, my whole entire world changed. And it really, truly affected how I look at life.

Thank you, Baby Mango.

Obsession: it's not just a perfume, folks

I didn't get a seat on the train this morning. And I'm a little ashamed to admit that I unzipped my jacket in hopes that someone would notice my belly and offer me their spot.

No such luck.

On a side note, I wonder how many people look at me now and think "That girl shouldn't be wearing that shirt. It totally accentuates her fat stomach".

Anywho. As I stood there, glancing through the morning paper, my eyes were instantly drawn to a headline that read "Sometimes, you've just got to cut the cord." And at that moment I realized something.

I'm obsessed by all things baby.

I see babies everywhere. (Imagine that in a creepy Sixth Sense whisper...) I see them on TV, at the grocery story, on billboards, when I'm going for a walk. And I secretly think to myself: my baby is going to be cuter.

Anyway. Back to the point. The newspaper article. It had nothing to do with babies. It was simply using a common phrase to get the point of the article across. And yet, because I saw the term "cut the cord", my mind instantly started exclaiming: "What's that? Is that something I should know? I should read it. It might be information I need to know. Is it about my baby's cord? Oh my goodness... I NEED to know."

Ah yes, I have turned all sorts of crazy.

Mind you, now is probably the only time in my life that I have a valid excuse for this. An excuse that people will readily accept, anyway.

I have Baby Mango to thank for this. (New fruit reference! Cute!)

Oh, and on another side note: in less than one week, Andrew and I get to go see Baby Mango again. So. Excited. I can't wait to get another glimpse at him or her in all his or her cuteness.

Until then, I'll just keep on obsessing. Don't mind me.

Hello

Having a bit of a frantic day at work. Unfortunately, the blogging goes by the wayside.

So, in lieu of a blog, I leave you with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E63ExmhOk8g

Watch it with the sound on. Trust me.

Another confession

Friday!!!!!!! Woo it's Fridaayyyyyyyyy!

(I'm excited. Can you tell?)

Not much going on for me this weekend... but I'm happy for the break nonetheless. I got up early today. Got into work bright and early. Got my steaming cup of hot chocolate right here beside me. Ready to tackle the day.

And............. now I'm running out of things to say. So! Another installment of "Confession Friday", coming your way! (You lucky kids).

I confess:

• I have not yet consumed an alcoholic beverage... but I'm still considering it. (I'm so baaaad!)
• I try very hard not to play the neurotic pregnant lady role. But I can sometimes see myself leaning in that direction.
• I won't pick my cat up or snuggle her if I'm wearing black because I don't want her cat hair all over me.
• The above point makes me think I might be a bad Mom.
• See point two.
• I don't mind sushi burps. (After a sushi lunch, when you're all full and stuff and then burp, you can kinda taste sushi all over again.) Disgusting. I know. But also kind of satisfying.
• I think I might be OCD about the mess/dirt/stuff you can't see on my kitchen counters.
• My floors, on the otherhand... they nasty. Don't ever come over and eat off of our floors.
• Oh! This reminds me. I've never cleaned our baseboards in the 4 years I've lived at our house.
• Nobody is ever going to come over to my house again, are they?

Hmmm. Yep. That's all I'm willing to admit for now. Your turn.

(If you choose not to participate, I understand. Have a good Friday, anyway!)

18 week update

Well, technically I'm 18 weeks and 5 days. But who's counting right??

And now, for your reading enjoyment... some fun stats from my midwife appointment yesterday!

How far along: 18 weeks

Symptoms: Feeling pretty good! I've had some major acid reflux lately... but once I stopped intaking mass quantities of lemonade each day, the acid reflux magically stopped. Who wouldda thunk it? I be real smrt.

Weight gain: 14.5 lbs. I asked my midwife if this was something I should be concerned about. She said that as long as I'm eating mostly healthy and getting some exercise, I should be okay. I really don't want to gain more than 35lbs. max. But I guess it's out of my hands to some degree.

Current food descriptor for baby: Sweet potato. When you really think about that, a sweet potato is pretty darn big. Mah wee one is growing! No wonder I'm at 14.5lbs. weight gain already.

Progress on preparation for baby: We've... started. One evening, Andrew and I emptied out all non-baby related items from our spare room so we could prep it for a nursery. We ripped out all the trim (as it was old and hideous and we've decided to put new stuff in there) and we cleaned the floor a bit. That's as far as we've gotten. Not a bad start though.

Maternity clothes situation: I fully refuse to wear anything but maternity pants now. These jeans are SO comfy, folks. Do you know how nice it is to wear elasticized waist bands all day at work?? Nice. Verrrry, very nice.

Pictures: Here they are. Me at 18 weeks with my hair down, and me at 18 weeks with my hair up. Couldn't decide which one I liked better.

One thing is for sure - I'm getting a BIG belly.

On worrying and sweet potatoes

I'm going to see my midwife again tomorrow. (FUN!) I love these appointments. Even despite the fact that it's time to find out just how much weight I've put on since my 2-week romp out east. (I still don't regret all that seafood. At. All.)

Apparently it's around this time, at 18 weeks, that the experts say you can start feeling your baby move. So far, I haven't felt much of anything but gas. So I'm hoping the midwife will pull out the doppler again so I can hear the heartbeat, just to calm my neurotic nerves.

(By the way, baby is now the size of a sweet potato! Adorable much? Yes... you're very cute, sweet potato. But it's time to start moving around for Mommy a little. Help Mama calm her delicate nerves and just give her a little nudge here and there, m'kay?)

I also hope to get the opportunity to show my midwife just how truly neurotic I am when I pull out my long list of questions for her. Questions include:

• Is my face wash safe?
• What vitamins are safe to take if I'm getting a cold?
• Can I take Cold FX? (I think I already know the answer to this one)
• What's this cord blood banking business all about?
• What can I do about the INTENSE acid reflux I'm getting?

And so on and so forth. (I won't bore you with all the details).

Anyway. As you can clearly see, I am fully involved in the "worry" stage of pregnancy. Many Moms tell me this never goes away. Hurrah! Years and years of nothing but worrying to look forward to!

Although, I must admit, I'm already experiencing the "wicked awesome" stage of pregnancy. This is the one where people tell me I'm looking fantastic, my face is glowing and my little bump is adorable. The one where people I've known in the past have come out of the woodwork to chat about everything and anything to do with pregnancy (because they're also pregnant or are Moms). It's also the one where people suddenly become incredibly generous. I've already received a few gifts... the last one was from a co-worker who bought me an adorable little Sleep Sheep that she swears by.

I think it's safe to say that the worry is worth all the benefits.