Thursday, September 27, 2007

Read on

Another post. I can see that you, my dedicated reader, are already wondering what kind of delightful prose I have in store for you today.

What will I say about life in general? Will I make you smile? Will I cause you to laugh in only a way that can be described as donkey-like braying? (My shout out to Jay). Will I make you shed a single, lonely tear that rolls down your face, leaving a beautiful tear track on your soft, yet somewhat dry, skin?

One can only hope, dear reader. One can only hope.

Okay - so I've gotten this far and you may or may not have realized that I actually have nothing to say today. I tried a few different directions, but I just wasn't feeling them. Sometimes there's nothing to say. Today is one of those days.

However, even though there's nothing to say, I wanted to alleviate your fear that there would be no lovely little morsel of reading enjoyment for you today. So, here it is. In all its glory. A post about nothing. (And it's quite long, don't you agree?)

Seinfeld would be so proud if he knew what a protégé he had in little ol' me.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

LOL and other monstrosities

Today's rant: spelling and the bastardization of the English language.

I first felt the need to rant to anyone and everyone about said subject when Avril Lavigne came out with her darling little ditty "Sk8r boi". Do I need to say more? I mean - look at the title! Not only does she insert a number into a word (for no apparent reason), she also PURPOSELY misspells a simple, three-letter word.

And the reason I feel the need to rant and rave again is because of a little web site you may have heard of... it's called Facebook. You know of this, no?

While checking out the walls of my "friends" (people who have added me but who I don't really know at ALL), I've noticed the absolutely atrocious spelling and grammar of teens. I realize I'm putting myself at risk of sounding like an old fuddy duddy here, but if I have to look at "lmao" one more time at the end of a sentence, I might hurt someone.

Here are a few examples of why I'm fearful for the future of the younger generation:
"Hai! I am at school. Lol Oh yah, yooh know I am cool."
"i kno i am a great presence in everyones life"
"heyy... good to see u at the dance. whtssup?"

This one uses no punctuation whatsoever:
"lmao nice status the pics ate going up right about now im not taggin any of them yet cause i dont have the time ill do that tonight"

So, um... yeah. Now, I'm not saying that spelling has to always be perfect, especially on something like Facebook. But if this is how people get used to writing day in and day out... how long is it before bad spelling and grammar takes over the universe? Can you imagine our newspapers? Or magazines or resumes or advertising?

Please, everyone. Remember what you're taught in school. Remember that punctuation is your friend. And remember that spelling words with extra letters or shortening entire words down to two vowels isn't the way of the future.


PS: OMG, I'll BRB.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Mom sandwiches

Okay, so since I'm into the quotes... here's one I read this morning:

"Do not join encounter groups. If you enjoy being made to feel inadequate, call your mother." ~Liz Smith.

Apparently Liz has never met MY Mom. Momsie - as I like to call her - thinks the sun rises and sets out of my arse. She loves me and every little thing about me. Or, at least she makes me feel that way every single day.

My Mom once sent me an email that went like this:
"Hey Hez, just looking at your picture and it occurs to me that I have the most beautiful daughter in the whole world!" That's all she had to say. Yep. She's awesome.

I remember telling a co-worker once about an email my Mom sent me (similar to the one above) and my co-worker responded "Wow, your Mom says stuff like that to you??" She was genuinely surprised. And I was genuinely shocked that not ALL Moms were like mine. I thought everybody's Mom loved them unconditionally and made them feel like a million bucks just because they got up and got dressed that morning.

Here are some other things I absolutely love about Momsie:
-her hugs
-how incredibly happy she seems to be just to see me whenever we get together
-her sandwiches (nothing beats a Mom sandwich)
-the way she takes care of me when I'm sick (tea, toast and a blanket - and if I'm REALLY lucky, she'll run her fingers through my hair to soothe me... honestly, I revert back to a 6 year-old whenever she does this)
-how supportive she is and how she makes me feel like I can do absolutely anything in the world because I'm smart and strong and worthwhile.

I wish Liz could meet my Mom. And I wish every child could be raised by someone like her. Imagine if everyone was brought up with encouragement and support and self-esteem.

She gave me the one thing I wish for every human being to have in this world.

Love. (And a whole lot of it.)

Monday, September 24, 2007

Me, myself and I

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind, don't matter - and those who matter, don't mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

This is my favourite quote today. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy about myself. I must remember this when I'm feeling down about the extra weight I've put on (yep, it's still there), or when I'm getting all paranoid about what people really think of me.

After all, (if I can borrow from Stuart Smalley for a mo), I'm good enough, I'm smart enough - and gosh darn it - people like me!

Dr. Seuss rocks.

Friday, September 21, 2007


So tired today. Brain isn't functioning. Can't come up with anything witty to say.

And... I'm spent.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Sing a song

Today I thought I would analyze some delightfully cerebral lyrics by Nicole Scherzinger (of PussyCat Dolls fame). I heard this song "Whatever you like" a while ago and thought "Gee, the music for today's youth is fan-friggin-tastic!"

My analyzation is below in italics:

(Ha, Hu, Ha, Hu, Ha, Hu, Ha, Hu) It's always good to start a song with some huffing and puffing.
I’ll do whatever you like
I’ll do whatever you like
I can do, I can do I'll do, I'll do whatever you like Wow - she certainly aims to please.

What you want? I particularly like it when English-speaking artists speak in broken English. Terrific!
(Ha, Hu, Ha, Hu, Ha, Hu, Ha, Hu) And we're back to the huffing and puffing.
I’ll do whatever you like
I’ll do whatever you like
I can do, I can do I'll do, I'll do whatever you like Glad to see she sticks to her word.

Boy, you want my body Oh, good - was wondering when she was going to get to the part about the importance of intelligence in a partner.
Wanna ride it like a Harley And then she makes a giant step forward for women everywhere. Good work, Nicole!
Once or twice around the block Once would simply not do.
I bet I’ll have you saying ‘woh woh’ I hear you, Nicole. I love it when I can make someone say 'woh woh'.
(Beep Beep) Interesting use of sound effects here.
First stop, let me pop
Drop like a helicop Hmmm... I must not be well-versed in youth terminology these days. I'm not sure I know what a "helicop" is exactly. Unless she means a helicopter. THEN it makes sense. I often see helicopters dropping.
Pay attention on me
While I show you the scenario Whoa - big word for her. Methinks someone helped her out with that one.
(Beep Beep)
You charming me boy Broken English again. Love it.
Yeah boy, you’re charming me Oh wait - she almost redeems herself by the correct use of "you're" in this line.
Just like this beat is gonna do on the radio
(Beep) Seems like they ran out of funding at this point. Only one "beep" was affordable, I guess?

And... I'm done. I can't handle any more of these beautifully well-written lyrics.

Dammit! Now it's stuck in my head.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

What's in a name?

When I first showed my husband my blog title, he kind of laughed. When he saw the link ( I'm pretty sure he thought I was writing some kind of feminist manifesto. He asked me about the name, genuinely interested (my hubby is a great man). And so I told him.

I'm reading "The Stone Diaries" right now by Carol Shields. And in the book (set in the early-to-mid 1900s), one of the characters is a member of the "Ladies Rhythm and Movement Club". Basically, it's a group for women to get together without their husbands and children to talk, laugh, get a little exercise and enjoy each other's company. It's like the 1900s version of "girls' night out!"

I liked the name of the club. And I also love picking up little quotes, names and phrases from books or films and using them somehow in my daily life. (I think I get this from my Dad who used to refer to my brother as Duddy Kravitz).

And I also loved the thought of the Ladies Rhythm and Movement Club because I think women need women in their lives. As understanding and wonderful as your male friends, husbands, brothers or boyfriends are, they'll never truly get it the way a community of women will.

Sure - a girlfriend might bring up a fight we had 5 years ago to remind me of my wrong-doing in the past - but that girlfriend will also listen to me vent without trying to solve it.

After years of struggling to find good girlfriends and make someone my BFF - I'm happy to say I've accumulated a wide group of wonderful women in my life. My friends, my Mom, my aunts, my cousins.

I think I'll go call one of them now.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

An Open Letter to the Extra Pounds That I Can't Seem to Shed

Dear Excess Weight,

Hi there. I thought it was about time I checked in with you to see how much longer you thought you might be sticking around for. While I know you've found a happy home within my thigh, bum and tummy region, I can't help but feel that you've overstayed your welcome.

I realize I invited you to move in during my cottage vacation (whilst I was enjoying chips, burgers, beer and other fine fatty foods of the sort); however, I no longer can look at pictures of myself without cringing. And so, I must ask you to leave.

I find it a bit exasparating that my workouts don't seem to have an effect on you. And I'm rather tired of you working together with my will power (or should I say, lack there of) to bring me down.

Yes, yes... I know you find enjoyment every time I step on the scale and you've won again. And I know you probably giggle with delight as I try to cram myself into my jeans each morning. But you see - I'm not suffering through oatmeal and flaxseed every day just for kicks. I actually have a goal in mind.

So if you could help me out a little and take off, I'd really appreciate it.

Many thanks and all the best!


PS: I know some skinny twits who would benefit from a little bit more of you. Drop me a line and I'll give you some contacts. Thanks!

Friday, September 14, 2007

Friday, at long last

I woke up today and realized it was much too dark out to actually force my body to twist and turn and strain in unnatural positions, all in the name of toning up. So, I slept in.

I think that was my first mistake.

You see, when I got into work - I was in a decent mood. But it only took a small (yet good ol') bitch session with my partner and the next thing I knew - I was all fired up. And tense. And angry.

And I'm thinking that if I had just managed to get those endorphins going and my heart-rate jumping, I would probably feel all "Zen" right now.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Wax on. Wax off.

Ahhh... now bring on the weekend.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Approval and awe

Siblings are interesting things. Just yesterday, I was talking with my brother on the phone. We laughed, we joked, we made plans to hang out the next night. And then, as we hung up the phone, he quite enthusiastically said, "Bye Hez!" (Like he was just so happy to be talking to me). It made me feel pretty special.

And it made me think about the evolution of our relationship.

My brother and I have gone through waves of closeness in our lives. When we were really young, we were forced to play with each other on family vacations, as there were no other kids around. And he actually seemed to enjoy my company. (Of course, as soon as we got home, he would run off to play with the boys and I would drag out my Barbies and My Little Ponies to begrudgingly play with my little friends). I actually just wanted attention and approval from my brother.

In our teen years, we tolerated each other. But once we hit our 20s, we seemed to grow close. We started hanging out with the same group of people. My husband (then boyfriend) and my brother became good friends. We went to the same parties. We would even hang out on a Saturday night - just to watch hockey or shoot the shit.

I came to the realization that he liked me. He really, really liked me.

This became particularly clear to me when he gave the most touching speech I've ever heard in my life at my wedding. It was at the moment that my brother's voice cracked - and he had to pause to regain composure - that I felt like the luckiest sister in the world.

After growing up, watching him with awe, amazed by how smart and fun he is - and how everyone loves him - I found out that he felt the same about me.

Thanks, Tiddah.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


I wanted to make note that today's date is very significant to me. I just wasn't sure that I could write anything in a post that would even begin to understand the pain of the millions of people who have lost their lives because of this day.

And while I might not understand the pain, and can only be sympathetic to fellow human beings enduring the memories of this day, I remind myself that I can at least learn. As cliché as it may seem, I'm using today as a reminder to not wait for a tragedy to start living life. To not sweat the small stuff - but to enjoy every minute of the great things in life.

Like my incredible family, loving husband and nice home. And the opportunity I've had to travel around the world and experience new things. Great friends. Morning lattes. A good belly laugh. Crisp fall evenings and my warm bed after a long day.

When you think about it, why be angry and upset over something so small, like getting stuck in traffic, when it's so easy (and fun) to think about how much good there is in life?

To my family, my husband, my friends: I love you.

To everyone suffering on this day, my heart is truly going out to you.

Ode to caffeine on a weekday morn.

Ah, the morning caffeine. How I love thee. And how I adore all the many, delicious forms you take. Like this morning, when you appeared in the form of a homemade latte concoction, created by my co-worker. (Which she so graciously shared with me).

Take one part delicious, combine it with two parts yummy, and voila! A morning masterpiece.

What a cruel, cruel world this would be without the little things. Like lattes and tea and steaming cups of java on a chilly morning.

Life is good.

Monday, September 10, 2007

You've lost that Monday morning feeling

Well, it's Monday morning. The day of the week that most people dread. In fact, several people have already made the typical "I hate Mondays" comment when I asked how they were today.

But not me. You see, I have a confession to make. I kind of like Mondays. Actually, I think it's safe to say that I downright enjoy Mondays. (Gasp!)

Mondays represent starting fresh for me. Getting back on track with a regular, healthy schedule of exercise and eating balanced meals at regular times. Yes, yes... I know. How dull. But Mondays also represent feeling good and accomplishing things. And working hard and making money, so I can enjoy it all come weekend time.

So, while everyone else walks around groggy-eyed and relishing the reasons why Mondays suck, I'll just sit here in my office, feeling great and enjoying the anticipation of what the week will bring.

Of course, I'm not going to admit this to anyone.