Tuesday, September 18, 2007

An Open Letter to the Extra Pounds That I Can't Seem to Shed

Dear Excess Weight,

Hi there. I thought it was about time I checked in with you to see how much longer you thought you might be sticking around for. While I know you've found a happy home within my thigh, bum and tummy region, I can't help but feel that you've overstayed your welcome.

I realize I invited you to move in during my cottage vacation (whilst I was enjoying chips, burgers, beer and other fine fatty foods of the sort); however, I no longer can look at pictures of myself without cringing. And so, I must ask you to leave.

I find it a bit exasparating that my workouts don't seem to have an effect on you. And I'm rather tired of you working together with my will power (or should I say, lack there of) to bring me down.

Yes, yes... I know you find enjoyment every time I step on the scale and you've won again. And I know you probably giggle with delight as I try to cram myself into my jeans each morning. But you see - I'm not suffering through oatmeal and flaxseed every day just for kicks. I actually have a goal in mind.

So if you could help me out a little and take off, I'd really appreciate it.

Many thanks and all the best!

Sincerely,

Heather
PS: I know some skinny twits who would benefit from a little bit more of you. Drop me a line and I'll give you some contacts. Thanks!

1 comment:

  1. This is clever, witty, funny and just good writing!

    ReplyDelete