Over the weekend, I watched an episode of Oprah I had recorded on my PVR (that thing has changed my life, I tell you. But that topic is for another day, another blog.)
Anyway, the episode happened to be featuring Ellen Degeneres. And, of course, Ellen's relationship with her wife Portia came up. Oprah said that she noticed Ellen's face light up when Portia walked in the room - and that Ellen seemed to be radiating joy lately.
Ellen's answer? "I'm happy." Simple as that.
Ellen elaborated to say that she felt like once she came into her own, and started living like she was meant to live - as who she was meant to be - she found herself happier and happier.
I swear, Ellen was talking about me right then and there. (Except for the whole successful gay woman with her own talk show and lots of money thing. Other than that - we're totally the same.)
When people keep asking me how I'm doing, or how my pregnancy is going, I just keep saying "I'm good! Really good!" Sometimes I can see them looking for a little bit more explanation. What about cravings? Or exhaustion? How about the heartburn? Yep - I've dealt with all of that. But, it doesn't seem to come into my mind when first asked how I'm doing. And I find that I really don't have any other words to explain to people how I'm doing, other than:
I'm just so happy lately. I was happy before, but I feel like maybe - just maybe - I've started to discover who I'm supposed to be in life.
I'm a decent wife. A good daughter and sister. A pretty good friend.
But I think I'm meant to be a Mother.
I think I've already discovered a new side of me that's beginning to make me into a better person.
Ever since Andrew and I had that first ultrasound and saw our little baby, all tiny and a little alien-like, I've been different. I've been a bit more relaxed. I've felt good. I'm excited for all that is to come. The little things rarely get me down these days.
And I think in turn, I'm a better wife (I love Andrew more and more every day and can't wait to see this new side of him as Daddy), I'm a more appreciative daughter, I try to be a more thoughtful friend.
I fully realize that I'm at risk of sounding schmaltzy and all "puppies and rainbows" all the time. But you know? I just don't give a hoot. I'm going to smile right through it all.
Because I'm happy.
So very happy.