Last night and today, I've been kind of sad.
I'm glum. And a bit depressed. And I don't really have a strong reason to be. Which makes me feel all the more crazy.
Sure, there are a bunch of little things that are building up and bothering me. Like...
I feel a bit overwhelmed about all the holiday required visiting we have coming up. (I love the holidays and I absolutely love seeing family - but it really does get tough when you have to try so hard to be fair to everybody's feelings and make sure each family member around you is happy and sees you enough and nobody's snubbed and everything is just fine and dandy for everyone else.)
I'm kind of sad that this will be the first year I don't see my brother, mom or Dad on Christmas Day at all. They're Christmas to me. They've been Christmas for me for my entire life. Our traditions and our time together is what makes me feel like it's Christmas. And knowing they'll be doing it all, but I won't be there on Christmas morning is just taking a little getting used to this year.
I'm worried about my father in law and how tired he seems lately. There seems to be so much waiting involved... and it's tough.
I feel like I don't ever get enough quality time with Andrew. And it's only going to be less and less once February gets here.
I always feel busy. I can't seem to find enough time to see family, get quality time with Andrew, get everything ready in time for baby's arrival - let alone have time to just sit around in my pjs and watch trash TV or read a book or lie on the couch watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate.
Of course, I'm tired (couldn't sleep last night) and I'm sure that's just making everything seem a million times worse.
But with all those little things adding up, combined with some raging hormones and the inability to get a full-on, endorphin-pumping work out... Well - the results just ain't that pretty.
I'm tired. And sad. But I don't want a pity party. At all. I just need to express my feelings.
So, thanks for listening.
PS: It's a few hours later, one long, awesome walk and a couch session with Oprah, my blanket and several hershey kisses... And I'm feeling much, much better. Hez is happy.