I've just been reminded that I'm very human. Flawed and all.
I know I'm not perfect. And I know that I tend to get into arguments or disagreements with friends or acquaintances now and again, which usually result in that person not liking me. This is fine. I don't like everybody - why should everybody like me? I'm truly and honestly okay with that.
However... I can't help but get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach after said arguments. Because suddenly? I'm reminded of everything that pretty much sucks about me. The things I do and say that people don't like. The way I act that rub people the wrong way.
In the past, I've just shrugged it off... "Oh, so-and-so is just being a jerk... they don't understand me". But sometimes that just doesn't work.
And a floodgate opens up inside my head. I can't stop thinking about why I make so many mistakes. Why I hurt the people I care about. Why I can't be the type of person that most people like. Why I can't just make people happy. Why I'm so friggin' stupid sometimes. And why I'm not a better person.
We're all flawed. I know. And trust me - this so isn't a fishing-for-compliments-post. At all. It's just that my brain doesn't stop working and I need an outlet. I need to feel sorry for myself and express my thoughts. I need to try and make sense of my flaws in order to feel better.
So, I understand everybody makes mistakes. But I can't help but feel that mine are magnified. That I'm the only one around my circle of friends and family making them often enough to have people end up disliking me.
When the hell am I going to learn?