And now, a pause from the regular blog content to bring you something I've needed to do for almost a week now:
SSSSIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (of relief).
Ah yes, that feels better. Much better.
Said sigh of relief refers to a personal situation I've been internally dealing with. Since this is my blog about all things personal, I have a feeling I can speak of it openly here. Actually, I think I need to speak about it openly. It's cathartic and all, y'know.
So. Last Friday, Andrew and I got some upsetting and scary news about his Dad's health. Without going into every little detail, it had to do with the big, freaky "c" word. The one that rhymes with "dancer".
And without going into the details of Andrew's feelings and how we reacted and how we dealt with it and all that... I'll just say that we were worried. Very worried.
We held onto each other. We cried. We talked about it. And then we decided to be very positive about the whole thing because that's how Andrew's Dad was dealing with it. And if the person who it actually physically affected could be positive, then - by golly - so could we.
So, when we saw Andrew's family on Sunday, we didn't really talk about it. I didn't really express my feelings to Andrew's Mom or Dad. I didn't say what I was thinking. I didn't even really hug them as tight as I wanted to. I was, in other words, awkward and unsure of how to act.
I chalk that up to the fact that I'm quite an emotional being. Yes, I know how to be positive and think the best and not dwell on the hurt. But, as everyone who knows me well knows, I have to get it all out. I have to let my emotions show. I have to say exactly what's on my mind. And if I don't, I either fester, or I get all awkward.
Fast forward to yesterday, when Andrew's Mom called me with very, very, VERY good and positive news. Andrew's Dad is going to be fine. It's not the life-threatening doom and gloom it could have been. He'll have surgery and that will be that.
As I was sitting at my desk at work, she told me. I listened. The organized side of me shone through when I took notes about the prognosis so I could relay the information to our friends and family later. I was happy and elated. And then...
I burst out crying.
I told her that I was so relieved and that I was very happy, but my goodness - I could not stop the crying. I turned into a big, emotional mess, blubbering and all. Every feeling that had been pretty much internalized when I was around my in-laws came pouring out of my tear ducts.
And then, once I got myself under control, I felt so much better. I felt relief. I felt as if I got it off my chest.
I realized something I guess I've always known about myself. A good cry... It's invaluable to me.
Well, that, and I've got a whole lot of love to give you, if you'll allow me to show it.