Friday, July 18, 2008

Friday morning rant

Okay - getting up on my soap box for a mo'. (That means moment). And this is not directed at anyone... it's just a general rant. So please, don't take this personally anyone! I just need to rant.

I've been married now for almost 2 years. And since the very day the ring went on my finger, people assumed that I was ready (and that I should) spit out some kids. And, as you can probably tell by my description of the birthing process, that irks me.

Now, it is very, very clear to me that my friends who have children are incredibly happy and their lives are enriched by their kids. They love them more than life itself and wouldn't have things any other way. I realize that. And I'm genuinely, truly happy for them.

However - many people seem to have one view on this whole marriage and kids thing. You get married. You have kids shortly thereafter. And EVERYONE has the right to ask you when you're having them. (Not "if". But when.)

How about this: not everyone gets married just so that they can have children. Not everyone's life goal is to have kids. And married women should not feel like "less" of a woman or less maternal or less warm simply because they don't want kids yet.

Yes, I say yet. I can see myself with children one day. But not right now. And after 2 years of answering "not yet" to everyone right down to my hairdresser... I'm tired of it.

Speaking of tired... people who don't have children are also valid when they say they are tired. It really irritates me when people who do have kids do the whole "Oh you don't even know!" thing, as if my claim that I'm exhausted and need a little down time is not valid whatsoever because I don't have a rugrat running around me at all hours. Everybody's situation is different.

For now, I'm focusing on my career, my relationship with my husband and my life as it is. And I like it that way.

I remember watching an interview once with the actress Felicity Huffman. The interviewer asked her if having children was the most rewarding thing in her life. Her response: "I find it really inappropriate that you ask that kind of a loaded question."

Brave woman, in this day and age.


  1. That's so weird! I was just thinking about that interview with Felicity Huffman the other day. I was really impressed by her answer. It was really honest. Anyway...if you don't have kids, you can always adopt me.

  2. I'm sure you know what I think of this. :) (And I'm sure you know that you have my full support of your DINK stance. Even if you decide to change that at some point, I'll know that you're ready for it and that your decision makes you happy.)

    As far as the Felicity Huffman interview, I'd like to say that I think it's wholly problematic that anybody make the assumption that "having kids is the most rewarding thing" someone could do.

    I don't think there's anything (whether that be having kids, a career, volunteering with the homeless, donating a life-saving organ etc.) that can be argued as "the most" rewarding experience for everyone. It's very much related to the individual in question.

    The problem is...any mother who admits that having kids isn't her "most rewarding" experience in life is usually frowned upon by the rest of society. Here we go living up to societal expectations again!