The Unexpected

When I was pregnant, I don't know what I really expected to happen after my baby was born.

Yes, I expected to be tired. And I expected to be busy. I knew that I'd have to feed and change and take care of this little human's basic needs. But there are some things that nobody can tell you about that you just sort of discover on your own.

For example:

I didn't expect to have a bald, blue-eyed baby. When my midwife first checked me while I was in labour and could tell that my baby had very little hair (kinda gross when you think about how she could tell, no?)... anyway - when she told me that I actually yelled out "Umm... what??" And then when I discovered she had light hair and blue eyes, I was a little bit thrown for a loop. I fully expected a mini-me. I've had dark, dark hair since I was born (and I was born with a full head of hair, too), and have always had brown eyes. Anna? Is still pretty bald 5 months later. And what hair she does have is very light. Sometimes I look at her and think "Are you really mine?" And then she giggles after farting and I know she's got my family's genes.

I didn't expect to lose so much damn hair. It's still falling out like crazy. I'm finding it absolutely everywhere. It's nasty. Like right now... I'm looking at a long, black hair making a question mark shape on my couch cushion. It's like the house's way of asking me "When are you going to clean, lady?"

I didn't expect to enjoy "keeping house". I actually take pride in making my bed each morning, and keeping the kitchen clean, and doing load after load of laundry. The dusting, the floors and the tub, however? They remain dirty. I'm not a total June Cleaver.

I didn't expect to forget the hardest parts so quickly. It seems like ages ago that I would get up in the middle of the night (around 2-4am) and go down to the basement to feed Anna in a sleep-deprived fog. But it was really only a couple of months ago. It seems like even longer since I was up from about 10pm to 1 or 2 in the morning every night... sitting in the basement by myself, watching TV and holding Anna in my arms until she fell asleep, because holding her until she was out cold was the only way to get her to sleep at night. I almost can't remember what it was like to be that exhausted. Almost. And the days of stressing out each time I tried to breastfeed my wee baby are pretty much forgotten. Imagine that. If the me of today told the stressed-out-from-breastfeeding-me that one day I'd be whipping out my boob anywhere and Anna would be eating like a champ, I wouldn't believe her.

I didn't expect things to change so much every, single day. Anna grows and does new things all the time. But, I also mean that I didn't expect her to change things up on Mama every day, too. One day, she'll take a nice, long afternoon nap in her crib. The next day? She'll scream bloody murder if you try to put her anywhere near that damn thing. One day she loves going outside in her stroller. The next day, she wants to be held and will NOT sit in her car seat, thank you very much.

Motherhood. 'Tis an interesting, ever-changing, unexpected thing.