Monday, June 14, 2010

I gotta be me

It's getting to that point where all the days just kind of meld into one and I never really know what day it is (unless it's Tuesday or Wednesday, aka: Stroller Fit and Kindermusik days).

So, I hope you had a lovely weekend! Me? I can't really remember what I did on which day.

However, I do remember Friday.

Lovely, lovely Friday.

Andrew had an interview that morning, so he took the afternoon off work. Anna's Nanny (Andrew's Mom) came by and watched Anna while Andrew and I took full advantage of his hooky day by going to a matinee and then hitting a patio for some nachos and beer.

It was just like old times.

Lovely, lovely old times.

I joke. (Sort of).

I was chatting with a friend of mine over Starbucks lattes Saturday morning about me and my new Mom identity. She was saying how she can't even imagine what it's like to have a baby and how it changes your world, but how she would still like to hold on to some part of herself. And I couldn't agree more.

I think we all know (if you've been a faithful blog reader of mine), that I loved being pregnant. I had never been happier or healthier. And now, having Anna makes me a million times happier. I absolutely love being a Mom. I think it's something I was always meant to do.

But I'm still Hez.

I'm still a social being who loves getting out for a beer. I'm still someone who loves to be on the go, seeing friends, catching movies, dining out, going to the new exhibit at the Science Center with the hubster. And even though I've got little Anna attached to my hip... I still gotta be me.

I'm just not one of those Moms (bless them, though) who can be 100% Mom all the time. Who can forget about the things they used to love to do. Who can stop dining out or seeing friends because their baby has to be in bed by 7pm. Who can put their marriage (even just a teensy bit) on the back burner. Who can cut off communication with the outside world because they're so wrapped up in their little one.

I still devote all my day and a good chunk of my evening to Anna. I still talk to her all day long. I still trot in Kindermusik class to make sure she's happy and engaged. And I love it. Truly, truly love it. I still can't get over how incredibly wonderful it makes me feel when I hold her and she puts her little chubby arms around me and burrows her face into my neck. And I still absolutely and completely love snuggling with her when I rock her to sleep at night.

But I'm not going to lie... beer and nachos on a patio with Andrew on a Friday afternoon was pretty fantastic, too. That's just who I am.

I think those brief little moments make me a better Mom, in fact. Because when I'm away from Anna, I realize how much she's changed my life for the better. And I realize that I don't have to sacrifice much. I can still be me - and be a great Mom to her at the same time.

I also realize that coming home to Anna? Is one of the best feelings in the world.

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