Food log. (Tee hee... I just said "log").

We're going on vacation soon. Which means we're rapidly running out of food in the house.

Not such a big deal for me. I can live on cereal (dry or with milk) for several days. Anna, on the other hand, is relying on her Mama for a balanced, nutritional diet day in and day out. The nerve of her. Kind of annoying, isn't she?

So anyway. I've decided to log Anna's food diet here so I can keep track visually and be sure that I'm not depriving my little buttertart of the good stuff.

Thursday night. Anna's dinner:

• Mixed grain baby cereal with peaches and pears. (We were having a curry beef dish for dinner which wouldn't have been a good thing for her little two-toothed mouth. Or her bum.)
• Side note: The baby cereal was a last resort after realizing that Anna would have NOTHING to do with the scrambled egg yolks I made for her. (Was trying to get some protein into her. With no luck).
• Oh, and she had one whole grain cracker with hummus on it. This was her appetizer as I got the cereal ready.

Friday morning: Anna's breakfast:

• Cheerio appetizer (of course).
• Leftover baby cereal from dinner last night (wasn't much), whole grain toast and blueberries

Pretty decent breakfast, I think. I would have liked to put something on the toast... a little bit of butter, maybe some cream cheese. But we had run out of all of those products. Sad, really. A house with no butter or cream cheese just isn't a house in my opinion.

I'll update later on with Anna's lunch and dinner. I really hope I can scrape together some good food for her. And I hope feeding her healthily on vacation isn't going to be too much of a challenge. Maybe it'll inspire me to make healthier food choices when we're out at restaurants.

(Or maybe Mama will sneak some 3-cheese spinach dip, french fries and greasy burgers behind Anna's back.)

Work, vacations, exhaustion and more.

Things that are new with me:

1. I got a freelance gig. Woo hoo! (A small one, yes. But hey - it'll pay a bill or two.)

2. I'm working out with a personal trainer who will also be my Running Room Half Marathon clinic coach. 2011 is going to be the year that I work on "Operation: Get Hez Fit." (My trainer promised I'd be bikini-ready by summer. To which I say: HA!)

3. Anna, Andrew and I are going on our first out-of-the-country family vacation. Looking forward to some sun and relaxation (maybe). Not looking forward to the plane ride all that much.

4. Had my first new book club meeting last night. Good times. It's so nice to talk about books over a glass of wine with fellow grown-ups. Of course, we spent a lot of time talking about our kids... but how could you not with a face like this?

Things that are not new with me:

1. I'm exhausted. Completely and utterly exhausted.

2. That's all.

Anna's mama takes a leap of faith

Well, it's official.

I am jobless.

Actually, I guess it's been official since I made the decision and resigned from my full time job in September. But I think it's just hitting me now because my mat leave pay will be running out in 3 weeks.

So. Here I am. Without job.

If I don't want to resort to feeding my family cat food, I'm going to have to start networking and finding me some freelance work. (Need a freelance writer? I'm very efficient and lovely to be around!)

Man, this decision was huge for me. I'm definitely not the type to just quit my job and give up security to "see how things go". Especially now that I have a wee one to provide for.

But, hey. I'm a different person now. I'm a mama.

I'm responsible for the health and happiness of another human being. (Excuse me a minute while I go fish the lamp cord out of her mouth). I'm in charge of the huge responsibility of making sure she grows up normal. Every little thing I do from now on will either provide her with confidence or somehow scar her for life. (Again, must go get that cord out of her mouth).

So my hope is that one day, in a future blog post, I link back to this one with all good news and talk about how funny it is to see how nervous I was - especially since I became a successful freelance writer and then won the lottery, to boot.

Who knows what the future holds. All I know is that now, in this moment, as I watch Anna cruise around, getting closer and closer to her first steps...

Everything just feels right.

Mommy, does this mean more time for us to hang out and eat Mums-mums together?

My 11 month old...

... finally has her first tooth! It came through on Christmas Eve. The second one isn't far behind, judging by her mood the past week.

... can crawl really fast, pulls herself up like it's nothing, cruises on all the furniture and even walks behind one of her push toys. She's a mover and a shaker, that one.

... still loves shoes.

... isn't sleeping through the night yet. But she gave up the night time feeding at around 10 months. Now it's just her teeth that keep waking her up. (I think).

... just started waving hello and bye bye to Mommy and Daddy. Cutest. Thing. Ever.

... definitely understands the word "no". And definitely doesn't obey it every time we say it.

... says "Dada" a lot. But we're still not sure if she's directing it towards Andrew or if everything in her path is Dada.

... loves her new Christmas toys. Most babies would prefer the paper or the box... and Anna likes those too... but she truly loves her toys. She's playing independently with them on the floor right now while Mama drinks coffee and writes this blog.

... smiles and laughs a lot. Also likes people. And once she warms up to a new situation, starts babbling and laughing and grabbing onto everyone's feet.

... is great in restaurants. She even came to the King Edward Christmas brunch with us in her fancy holiday dress and was a perfect, perfect angel.

... sleeps well in the car, but won't sleep at anybody else's house. Which should prove to be interesting when we head off to Florida in a few weeks.

... is the cutest little buttertart in the world. Even when she's miserable from teething.

I love you so much, Anna. Happy 11 month birthday, baby.

Merry Christmas everyone

I know I say this over and over... but I really do wish I had more time to update my blog more often. Ah well. It is what it is. At least I'm here now, right? (You know you're excited that I'm here right now writing this. You love me. Admit it.)

And so. Here we are. It's my Christmas Eve 2010 blog post.

Anna, Andrew and I are ready for the festivities to begin. We've wrapped our presents, visited Santa 3 times, baked cookies, listened to Christmas carols. We've done it all. Now it's just time for family visits and, of course, lots of food.

While Christmas has never been about the presents for me (honestly - I'm not just saying that), I'll admit that I used to get excited about the whole gift thing. I used to go a bit overboard and buy lots of things for everyone, excited to see how they would react when they opened them. I used to get all giddy about the huge mound of wrapped gifts under the tree, curious about what I was getting that year.

But something is different for me this year. Something has changed. Something good.

I'm still excited about Christmas. I'm still happy to give gifts. But Christmas is about so much more than presents this year. It's traditions. And memories. It's love. And happiness. Family. Health. (It's also cookies.)

I can probably attribute a lot of my new found feeling about Christmas to Anna. But I've got to give credit to Andrew and my family, too. (Thanks, guys. I love you.)

Anyway. So it's now time. It's Christmas Eve. The holiday season will be winding to a close soon. And what will I remember most about the year of Anna's first Christmas? Probably that I'm happier than ever and I'm filled with love.

And I wish all of that to you as well this season.

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.

Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.

Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more.

Whiskers on kittens, brown paper packages...

The tree is up. The stockings are hung. Presents are bought (but not wrapped for fear of the little buttertart opening them all up before Christmas morn.) The carols have been playing for weeks now.

Sigh. It's my favourite time of year.

As I was driving around in silence while Anna napped in the back seat today, my mind began wandering and I began thinking about Christmases past.

When I was a little kid, my brother and I freaking loved Christmas. (Okay, what kid doesn't??) I loved everything about the season - and not just the toys. (Honest.) I loved things like decorating the tree, eating Mom's raisin cookies, baking together, getting Dad to help me buy the perfect gift for Mom. I loved that we caught Christmas mornings on video camera so we could watch them over and over again each year.

I loved the big family get togethers. And turkey sandwiches on boxing day. I loved the year I got a Young MC tape. I loved how excited my parents would be. How happy we all were.

Christmas, as cheesy and schmaltzy as I sound, is (and still is at 31 years old) a magical time of year for me. A time of year to stop sweating the small stuff and to just... believe.

Believe in good will. Believe in helping those less fortunate. Believe in making happy memories that will last a lifetime for your kids. Believe in being sillier and happier and more fun than you tend to be all year.

What I've learned over the years is that when you forget the things like the fact that your job is stressful, or you don't have a lot of money, or you haven't slept for 10 months (ahem... Anna) or that you're not done your shopping and it's Christmas eve... and you start to believe in all that the season is meant to be... (and I mean really, truly believe in all the hokey stuff)...

Well, that's when the magic really begins. That's when the memories are made. That's when true happiness exists.

And, really... what could be better than being unbelievably and overwhelmingly happy for a month?

Wishing you a happy, magical, cheesy and - best of all - silly holiday season.

~Hez, Andrew and Anna

Sweetness and light

Today I stopped doing the dishes, mid-dish, so I could sit down and write about Anna. (Okay, so maybe I just wasn't into the dishes this morning.) Anyhow.

When Anna's grown-up, I really want her to know about all the little things about her life when she was little.

I know I've been all "sweetness and light" when it comes to documenting Anna so far. But it's time for grown-up future Anna to know about the other stuff. The stuff that has made Mama's head sprout multiple new grey hairs and has caused Mama to develop an unhealthy coffee-and-latte addiction.

Stuff that is making Mama grow old quickly:

1. Anna. You don't seem to have any desire whatsoever to sleep through the night. You teased me a little bit when you were about 4 months old. But now you're 10 months old and you still wake at least once to nurse, you take quite a bit of time to go down for a nap or to bed, and when you're sick you wake up pretty much every hour at night. Needless to say, Mom is exhausted.

2. While you're cute and happy about 99% of the time, you have developed some mean tantrums already. You're only 10 months old, for pete's sake! However, if Dad or I take something away from you that you want (a spoon, a cloth, my cell phone), you freak right out and cry and scream until we find a way to distract you. I thought this type of behaviour wasn't going to develop until you were about 13.

3. Sometimes you'll take a bottle with a bit of formula. Sometimes you won't. Sometimes you're happy in the car. Sometimes you're extremely angry. Sometimes you want me to pick you up. And then you immediately want back down again. I'm trying my hardest... but you've got to help me out a little bit, kid.

That's about it. Honestly. And really, the sleep thing is the only thing that's making me feel a bit tired. The other two points were just so that I'd actually have some bulk to this blog post (I could have left them off the list).

Basically... I just want you to sleep. Please sleep, Anna.

Otherwise, you really are sweetness and light.