Merry Christmas everyone

I know I say this over and over... but I really do wish I had more time to update my blog more often. Ah well. It is what it is. At least I'm here now, right? (You know you're excited that I'm here right now writing this. You love me. Admit it.)

And so. Here we are. It's my Christmas Eve 2010 blog post.

Anna, Andrew and I are ready for the festivities to begin. We've wrapped our presents, visited Santa 3 times, baked cookies, listened to Christmas carols. We've done it all. Now it's just time for family visits and, of course, lots of food.

While Christmas has never been about the presents for me (honestly - I'm not just saying that), I'll admit that I used to get excited about the whole gift thing. I used to go a bit overboard and buy lots of things for everyone, excited to see how they would react when they opened them. I used to get all giddy about the huge mound of wrapped gifts under the tree, curious about what I was getting that year.

But something is different for me this year. Something has changed. Something good.

I'm still excited about Christmas. I'm still happy to give gifts. But Christmas is about so much more than presents this year. It's traditions. And memories. It's love. And happiness. Family. Health. (It's also cookies.)

I can probably attribute a lot of my new found feeling about Christmas to Anna. But I've got to give credit to Andrew and my family, too. (Thanks, guys. I love you.)

Anyway. So it's now time. It's Christmas Eve. The holiday season will be winding to a close soon. And what will I remember most about the year of Anna's first Christmas? Probably that I'm happier than ever and I'm filled with love.

And I wish all of that to you as well this season.

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.

Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.

Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more.

Whiskers on kittens, brown paper packages...

The tree is up. The stockings are hung. Presents are bought (but not wrapped for fear of the little buttertart opening them all up before Christmas morn.) The carols have been playing for weeks now.

Sigh. It's my favourite time of year.

As I was driving around in silence while Anna napped in the back seat today, my mind began wandering and I began thinking about Christmases past.

When I was a little kid, my brother and I freaking loved Christmas. (Okay, what kid doesn't??) I loved everything about the season - and not just the toys. (Honest.) I loved things like decorating the tree, eating Mom's raisin cookies, baking together, getting Dad to help me buy the perfect gift for Mom. I loved that we caught Christmas mornings on video camera so we could watch them over and over again each year.

I loved the big family get togethers. And turkey sandwiches on boxing day. I loved the year I got a Young MC tape. I loved how excited my parents would be. How happy we all were.

Christmas, as cheesy and schmaltzy as I sound, is (and still is at 31 years old) a magical time of year for me. A time of year to stop sweating the small stuff and to just... believe.

Believe in good will. Believe in helping those less fortunate. Believe in making happy memories that will last a lifetime for your kids. Believe in being sillier and happier and more fun than you tend to be all year.

What I've learned over the years is that when you forget the things like the fact that your job is stressful, or you don't have a lot of money, or you haven't slept for 10 months (ahem... Anna) or that you're not done your shopping and it's Christmas eve... and you start to believe in all that the season is meant to be... (and I mean really, truly believe in all the hokey stuff)...

Well, that's when the magic really begins. That's when the memories are made. That's when true happiness exists.

And, really... what could be better than being unbelievably and overwhelmingly happy for a month?

Wishing you a happy, magical, cheesy and - best of all - silly holiday season.

~Hez, Andrew and Anna

Sweetness and light

Today I stopped doing the dishes, mid-dish, so I could sit down and write about Anna. (Okay, so maybe I just wasn't into the dishes this morning.) Anyhow.

When Anna's grown-up, I really want her to know about all the little things about her life when she was little.

I know I've been all "sweetness and light" when it comes to documenting Anna so far. But it's time for grown-up future Anna to know about the other stuff. The stuff that has made Mama's head sprout multiple new grey hairs and has caused Mama to develop an unhealthy coffee-and-latte addiction.

Stuff that is making Mama grow old quickly:

1. Anna. You don't seem to have any desire whatsoever to sleep through the night. You teased me a little bit when you were about 4 months old. But now you're 10 months old and you still wake at least once to nurse, you take quite a bit of time to go down for a nap or to bed, and when you're sick you wake up pretty much every hour at night. Needless to say, Mom is exhausted.

2. While you're cute and happy about 99% of the time, you have developed some mean tantrums already. You're only 10 months old, for pete's sake! However, if Dad or I take something away from you that you want (a spoon, a cloth, my cell phone), you freak right out and cry and scream until we find a way to distract you. I thought this type of behaviour wasn't going to develop until you were about 13.

3. Sometimes you'll take a bottle with a bit of formula. Sometimes you won't. Sometimes you're happy in the car. Sometimes you're extremely angry. Sometimes you want me to pick you up. And then you immediately want back down again. I'm trying my hardest... but you've got to help me out a little bit, kid.

That's about it. Honestly. And really, the sleep thing is the only thing that's making me feel a bit tired. The other two points were just so that I'd actually have some bulk to this blog post (I could have left them off the list).

Basically... I just want you to sleep. Please sleep, Anna.

Otherwise, you really are sweetness and light.

Rain, rain

Oooo... it's nasty out there today. Lots of rain. Cold. Wet. Which means....

..... PAJAMA DAY for me and Anna!!! Woo! We ain't getting dressed all day and you can't make us. (If only I had a pair of onesie jammies with feet... man - I would NEVER wear regular clothes again.)

I'm definitely going to miss these days if I start working again. I say "if" because I'm still not sure what to do, really. I want to give freelance a go... but I'm starting to get the jitters a bit.

Maybe it's because I'm coming closer to the end of my maternity leave and those helpful payments will be stopping before I know it. Maybe it's because I have nothing lined up yet. (It's hard to line it up for February. I kind of have to wait last minute to line up a job if I go the freelance route). Maybe it's because I've only done one freelance job so far and haven't had lots of people knocking on my door. Of course, I can't really do lots of work right now because of you-know-who... (she's listening) and because then it would affect my mat leave payments.

So very complicated.

All I know is that working in your pjs all day sounds awesome... but spending more time with the little ankle biter is probably the best thing I could ever imagine. For me. And for her.

So, I guess we'll see. I guess I have to let things just... happen.

Until then, I'm going to soak up every minute of my pajama day with just me and my babe.

All about you

Hello, Anna.

Right now, you're on the floor, in your jammies, getting into anything and everything (you seem to prefer the dangerous things by far. Naturally.) You're yelling happily, only pausing to stare at Arwen now and again.

You're going to be 10 months old on Saturday. I still can't believe it. I know people always go on about how time flies and how "quickly they grow up" and yadda yadda... but it's true. My little wee, 5 pound-15 ounce baby is now almost 10 months old and has a real, true, strong personality.

For example... you love making noises with your mouth. Whether it's a whistle, or a little half laugh, or even just yelling - you absolutely love to make noise. And you always have, ever since you were tiny and would make appreciative noises while nursing.

You love crawling around and being independent. And now that you can get around by yourself (crawling and pulling yourself up and cruising on the furniture), you have even less time for Mommy to snuggle you or smother you in kisses. You don't want to be held all that often, you're busy, darn it!

You would live on blueberries, cheese and cheerios if I let you. Raspberries and avocado are a close second. But, you're not quite ready for anything too different. (Last night, we tried pureeing up some of our Greek chili that Daddy made and it was a bit much for you.)

You're very social and love visiting at Grandma and Grandpa's or Nanny and Grandpa's house. But we better not try to make you sleep there. Unless you're in your room, with your crib and your Mommy close by... you're having none of it.

You have no desire to sleep through the night yet, thank you very much. You're still getting up to nurse once. I've pretty much gotten used to the lack of sleep... but I'm sort of eager for you to start sleeping better one of these days. (Mind you, you're a great day time sleeper. You take hour and a half long naps in the morning and afternoon. Bliss!)

You think your Daddy is just the funniest thing that ever existed. When he comes home from work, all he has to do is flick a plastic bag or a tea towel around and you could pretty much keel right over from laughter.

Basically, what your Mommy is trying to tell you is that you're pretty much amazing. And you have been for the past 10 months.

Keep it up, baby.

Little Miss Go-Go-Go

Anna's entertaining herself with my running shoes right now, so I have a spare minute to sip my morning coffee and chat. I feel like a real, live adult. Wow.

**Side story** Yesterday I texted Andrew at work to tell him that Anna had discovered the front hall closet and was in heaven because there were SHOES EVERYWHERE (and Anna loves shoes for some strange reason). Andrew texted back to say "Aww... how cute. A shoe queen, just like her Mommy." Silly, Andrew. If he only knew what a real shoe queen was. A real shoe queen doesn't basically wear only one pair of shoes all fall, one pair of shoes/boots all winter and one pair of flip flops all summer. It may seem like I have lots of shoes since I have casual and dressy options... but I'm so not a crazy shoe lady. Andrew's lucky he married me. A "typical" woman in love with shoes would drive Andrew absolutely insane. **End of side story**

Anyway. So, Anna is fully crawling and even starting to cruise around on furniture now. She's a very advanced 9 and a half month old, if I do say so myself. The downside to her being so active is that she's developed bruises all down her shins and has had a shiner or two on her head already.

This is all very par for the course when it comes to little kids, I realize. But my neurotic side can't help but feel like a BAD MOMMY when I see her cute, soft, white little body covered with yucky bruises.

The plus side to her being so active is that she loves entertaining herself now. Why, right now she's attempting to pull the curtains down in the living room and is yelling quite happily about the whole process.

(Oh - she just saw the diaper bag and is crawling in super speed to get to it. Hmmm... in love with shoes and bags. Perhaps she will be a fashionista? She has the skinny jeans already.)

Anyway. The other side to Anna crawling around is that I really have to watch her like a hawk since we haven't baby-proofed our home much yet. Mind you, I don't know what we're going to do about certain things. (I've had to fish cat food and dead leaves out of her mouth 3 times already. But I can't starve the cat. And I'm certainly not going to start cleaning the front hall every single time the door opens and yet another leaf gets tracked in.)

What's a Mama to do??

I know. How about I just sit back (metaphorically speaking) and enjoy the whole, entire, crazy ride that is life with Anna.

Yes. That's what I'll do.

Anna goes out and about

Hi there.

Remember me?

I'm the lady getting very little sleep. But my baby is cute, so it sort of makes up for it.

Anyway. I want Anna to know about all the things we did together when she was a wee little buttertart... so I've popped back on today to update y'all (and Future Anna) with the following List O' Fun.

Things We've Done in the Past Few Weeks:

• Went to Tiny Tots on Parade for Halloween. Think: a whole bunch of little babies and kids dressed up in adorable Halloween costumes parading around downtown while a bunch of stores hand out candy. O.M.G. I almost couldn't handle the cuteness of it all.

• Made cupcakes for Daddy's birthday. And put peanut M&Ms on top. Mmmmm...

• Went to the Royal Winter Fair. And saw horses and piglets and Super Dogs... oh my! Andrew and I had some back bacon on a bun (sorry piglets!) and sampled some delicious cheeses and buffalo meat. I also bought Anna some natural, organic baby soap (hippy soap, as Andrew likes to call it). 'Twas a cute day. And a fun, family outing was had by all.

• Checked out the Fantasy Fair at Woodbine. Anna and I rode the carousel once, then just walked around and shopped and lunched with other Moms and babies. She's a bit too young for the rides and play area - but when she's older, we're definitely going back. (Side story: When my brother and I were quite young, my Dad took us there. I don't remember much about being there other than thinking that this was THE MOST magical place ever. There were rides. And it was all "fantasy" like. It was super exciting... and I have such a good memory of my Dad taking me there. Hopefully, I can do that for Anna, too.)

• Looked around at The Baby Time Show. Lots of vendors. Lots of babies. Lots of strollers. A few free samples. But the thing that made it all worthwhile? While Anna sat in her stroller and passed by a little boy sitting in a wagon, she yelled happily at him as she went. He turned around and, I kid you not, without a second of hesitation... yelled back in the same happy way. Freakin' hilarious.

Today, we're having a quiet day at home.