The tales of Pez and Smandrew

There once was a girl named Pez*. She was pretty social. She loved going out, meeting up with friends, seeing movies, dining out, going for a drink - and so on and so forth.

After almost 3 years of DINK (double income, no kids) married life, Pez and her husband Smandrew*, decided to have a baby.

When Pez got pregnant, she was never happier or healthier. She loved being pregnant and couldn't wait to have her little baby arrive. When baby Vanna* finally arrived, Pez and Smandrew were over the moon! They couldn't believe how amazing she was.

Sure, there were some rough moments in the beginning as they found their groove, but before long, Pez and Vanna had a great thing going each day. They had so much fun together. And Pez loved every minute of it.

Then, since things were going so good, Pez decided that she would love to have a teensy bit of her old life again... added on to her new life. Just a teensy bit. Like, for example, after Vanna went to bed, Pez and Smandrew would love to go to the movies. When Vanna woke up in the morning, of course Pez would be there to feed her and snuggle her and play with her. But at night time, Pez and Smandrew would be a couple again.

Well. Baby Vanna would have absolutely none of that! Vanna decided that nobody but Pez was sufficient enough to feed her or put her to bed at night. And if she woke up? Pez had better be there or Vanna would let everyone know in no uncertain terms that she was unhappy.

Vanna was only 4 and a half months old... but for Pez, that was kind of a long time to feel totally and completely tied to her little one at every minute of every day.

However, Pez came to realize that there could be no substitute for the amazingness that she was in Vanna's eyes. (Vanna was obviously very intelligent to figure this out at such a young age). So Pez decided to just go with it.

And even though she couldn't attend a really fun Girl's Weekend, and couldn't really get out with Smandrew much, and rarely ever saw her friends anymore, it was okay with Pez. It was really and truly okay.

Vanna was just so darn cute, that Pez didn't mind being attached to her all the time.

And besides, Pez fully intended on explaining to Vanna one day that the reason she had to be good, or had to give Mommy a break, or had to do what Mommy said was because Mommy did exactly what Vanna wanted whenever Vanna wanted it when she was little.

Pez was so not above holding it over her kid for the rest of her life.

The end.

*Some names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.

Anna goes on a picnic

Weight loss (or lack thereof)

Stop me if you've heard this one before...

"When you breastfeed, the weight just falls right off."

or...

"I've never been hungrier than when I was nursing. But I ate anything I wanted and kept losing weight!"

and...

"I lost all my pregnancy weight and I didn't really even do anything other than walk a bit."

Yeah. I hate all those bitches.

Okay, so I'm kidding. (Sort of). But I am annoyed (although, shouldn't be surprised) that my body is the exact opposite of everyone else's post-pregnancy experience.

I've been exclusively breastfeeding since day 1. The weight? Is not falling off. (Oh, how it makes me laugh to think that I could have ever believed that would happen for me).

Here's the thing. I gained 38 pounds during my pregnancy. Just a teensy bit more than the 25-35 pounds that is considered a healthy weight gain for me. (Yay me!) Within the first two months after having Anna, I did lose 16 pounds by "doing nothing". After that, my weight loss stalled. But I thought to myself, "That's okay... I'll continue to lose it slowly but surely. That's what everyone says happens. And I'm nursing. And I worked out throughout my entire pregnancy. And I didn't overeat. And now I'm even getting back into jogging a little and doing some yoga." etc etc.

So... yeah - no. That's not what happened. After the weight stopped coming off, I actually started gaining.

(Excuse me for a minute...) WHAT THE EFF?????????????????? I started gaining!??!!!

Come on, Universe! Why the heck do you have it out for me so much? I can do everything right during my pregnancy and yet 3 months after having my baby, I still have 30 POUNDS to lose? (Yes, I gained back 8 pounds. Oh. My. God.)

Le sigh.

So... despite what I've heard from many, many women... my experience is NOT that all I have to do is walk a little to lose the weight. Nor can I eat whatever I want. Breastfeeding is no miracle weight loss cure for me.

In fact, I'm now being VERY careful about what I eat and how much I consume. I also go jogging about 3-4 times a week and do Stroller Fit once a week. I'm careful about food. I'm pretty darn active. And so far, I've lost 8 pounds in about 5 weeks.

My genes... they're wonderful. (Thanks Ma and Pa.)

I think the thing that bugs me about all this is not so much that it takes me a long time and a lot of work to lose the weight - it's the numerous stories from other women of how easy it was. Things like "I gained 65 pounds during my pregnancy and lost all of it but 5 pounds within a few weeks" or "I haven't done any exercise at all and now I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant".

It's not easy for me. It never has been and, now I realize, it never will be. So, even though 90% of the women who get pregnant seem to be able to lose it all and get their bodies back by the time their baby is Anna's age now - doesn't mean that's going to happen for me. And I'd rather not feel like a failure on the body image front.

So, I'm just not going to listen to those stories anymore.

And, honestly? I'm pleased as punch with my 8 pounds in 5 weeks.

I gotta be me

It's getting to that point where all the days just kind of meld into one and I never really know what day it is (unless it's Tuesday or Wednesday, aka: Stroller Fit and Kindermusik days).

So, I hope you had a lovely weekend! Me? I can't really remember what I did on which day.

However, I do remember Friday.

Lovely, lovely Friday.

Andrew had an interview that morning, so he took the afternoon off work. Anna's Nanny (Andrew's Mom) came by and watched Anna while Andrew and I took full advantage of his hooky day by going to a matinee and then hitting a patio for some nachos and beer.

It was just like old times.

Lovely, lovely old times.

I joke. (Sort of).

I was chatting with a friend of mine over Starbucks lattes Saturday morning about me and my new Mom identity. She was saying how she can't even imagine what it's like to have a baby and how it changes your world, but how she would still like to hold on to some part of herself. And I couldn't agree more.

I think we all know (if you've been a faithful blog reader of mine), that I loved being pregnant. I had never been happier or healthier. And now, having Anna makes me a million times happier. I absolutely love being a Mom. I think it's something I was always meant to do.

But I'm still Hez.

I'm still a social being who loves getting out for a beer. I'm still someone who loves to be on the go, seeing friends, catching movies, dining out, going to the new exhibit at the Science Center with the hubster. And even though I've got little Anna attached to my hip... I still gotta be me.

I'm just not one of those Moms (bless them, though) who can be 100% Mom all the time. Who can forget about the things they used to love to do. Who can stop dining out or seeing friends because their baby has to be in bed by 7pm. Who can put their marriage (even just a teensy bit) on the back burner. Who can cut off communication with the outside world because they're so wrapped up in their little one.

I still devote all my day and a good chunk of my evening to Anna. I still talk to her all day long. I still trot in Kindermusik class to make sure she's happy and engaged. And I love it. Truly, truly love it. I still can't get over how incredibly wonderful it makes me feel when I hold her and she puts her little chubby arms around me and burrows her face into my neck. And I still absolutely and completely love snuggling with her when I rock her to sleep at night.

But I'm not going to lie... beer and nachos on a patio with Andrew on a Friday afternoon was pretty fantastic, too. That's just who I am.

I think those brief little moments make me a better Mom, in fact. Because when I'm away from Anna, I realize how much she's changed my life for the better. And I realize that I don't have to sacrifice much. I can still be me - and be a great Mom to her at the same time.

I also realize that coming home to Anna? Is one of the best feelings in the world.

Booby vs. bottle

Well, the one thing that stays the same with babies is that they're always changing.

Anna is no longer having insane crying fits each day (thank goodness), but now she seems to absolutely refuse to take a bottle.

Last night, I bathed her and got her into her jammies. Then we normally go downstairs and I feed her, then back upstairs to read a book and rock to sleep. After jammies, Andrew took her downstairs to feed her and I stayed upstairs.

Anna was having absolutely none of it.

She screamed and cried and cried and screamed. And then soon after Andrew would stop trying to feed her, she would relax again. So we thought that maybe she wasn't hungry and we waited a little while. Except that she normally eats every 3 hours and it had been 4 and a half.

So we tried again. And again. And again. But it just didn't seem to be happening.

And now, I appear to be tied to Anna's side for the next 8 months. I can say goodbye to the movie night I had coming up. I can watch my hopes of going away for a weekend in late July with some girlfriends disappear. I can forget yoga class. And a wedding in August? Forget it.

Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. But if this isn't a phase and she completely refuses to eat from the bottle, I think I'm going to feel a bit restricted.

Someone offer me some words of advice or encouragement.

Please?

So.

Okay. So.

New things with me include:

Anna's still freaking out once to twice a day... screaming all high-pitched and inconsolable for a few minutes. It's really upsetting me. (The only thing that's got me relatively calm is knowing that I took her to the doctor last week during the height of her upset fits and he didn't see anything wrong with her. Ears are fine. Throat is fine. etc. etc. Thank goodness). But anyway, once she starts, I think that I'm the only one (right now) who knows how to calm her down. So, no matter who's holding her, I go and get her and try and relax her.

So that's got my neurotic brain wondering if I'm actually doing her no good by making her all dependent on me. Should I let someone else try and calm her down so she can be relaxed by others? Or is that mean because she's screaming (not just crying) and that obviously means she's upset and needs help?

Sigh.

When we go visiting, I try to pass her around a little so that other people can hold her. I do this for a few reasons. 1) So she isn't super shy and clingy and needs to be with only Mama all the time. 2) So I don't look like an over-protective crazy Mama. And 3) to share the loveliness that is Anna around.

But.... when she gets upset, I need to comfort her. I don't want to listen to her scream and cry while other people try (usually unsuccessfully) to calm her down. I want to walk to another area, away from everyone else and talk softly in her ear while holding her and rocking her and letting her know I'm there.

Is this okay? Am I reacting too much? Am I creating a dependent kid? Or am I just being a Mama?

Oh, the questions and self-doubt.

I'm sure it never ends.

Huge sigh

You'll notice a complete lack of blogging lately, I'm sure.

Well.

Something is up with Anna and I don't know what it is or how to fix it. Poor thing had 4 screaming fits today (and has had a few over the past few days as well). This is a LOT for my normally very happy baby.

She won't sleep longer than 40 minutes for naps (when she used to do an hour in the morning and 2-3 hours in the afternoon), but seems exhausted.

She may or may not be teething... but the Camilia I gave her tonight didn't seem to do much.

I've tried putting her to bed earlier, tried looking for her sleepy cues, tried rocking her until she was out cold, tried putting her into her bed drowsy but awake, I've tried bringing her into bed with me in the morning, I've tried Baby Tylenol.

I basically feel like I've tried everything short of never leaving the house and making her stay in the stretchy wrap all day.

Sigh.

So... yeah. Blogging is taking a bit of a back seat for now.

What's going on...

Not much new to report over here. Which is why I haven't written much in a while. Here's a quick little synopsis on what's going on with Hez and Anna lately...

• Going to StrollerFit today. Looks gorgeous out again.
• Anna's got a stuffed up nose. Sounds like there's lots of junk in there. Poor thing.
• We're going to her 4 month Well Baby appointment tomorrow. More shots. Ugh.
• I'm trying to get back into a more regular exercise schedule... I've only been doing something about 2 times a week. That's nowhere near enough to make me feel good. So I went out jogging yesterday and the day before that.
• Oh, and I also purchased a jogging stroller online. Just waiting for it to be delivered.

That's about it. Very exciting, I know.

More news when I get some!