Feeling it all

Well, I think the whole crazy hormone phenomenon is starting to rear its ugly head.

Last night and today, I've been kind of sad.

I'm glum. And a bit depressed. And I don't really have a strong reason to be. Which makes me feel all the more crazy.

Sure, there are a bunch of little things that are building up and bothering me. Like...

I feel a bit overwhelmed about all the holiday required visiting we have coming up. (I love the holidays and I absolutely love seeing family - but it really does get tough when you have to try so hard to be fair to everybody's feelings and make sure each family member around you is happy and sees you enough and nobody's snubbed and everything is just fine and dandy for everyone else.)

I'm kind of sad that this will be the first year I don't see my brother, mom or Dad on Christmas Day at all. They're Christmas to me. They've been Christmas for me for my entire life. Our traditions and our time together is what makes me feel like it's Christmas. And knowing they'll be doing it all, but I won't be there on Christmas morning is just taking a little getting used to this year.

I'm worried about my father in law and how tired he seems lately. There seems to be so much waiting involved... and it's tough.

I feel like I don't ever get enough quality time with Andrew. And it's only going to be less and less once February gets here.

I always feel busy. I can't seem to find enough time to see family, get quality time with Andrew, get everything ready in time for baby's arrival - let alone have time to just sit around in my pjs and watch trash TV or read a book or lie on the couch watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate.

Of course, I'm tired (couldn't sleep last night) and I'm sure that's just making everything seem a million times worse.

But with all those little things adding up, combined with some raging hormones and the inability to get a full-on, endorphin-pumping work out... Well - the results just ain't that pretty.

I'm tired. And sad. But I don't want a pity party. At all. I just need to express my feelings.

So, thanks for listening.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS: It's a few hours later, one long, awesome walk and a couch session with Oprah, my blanket and several hershey kisses... And I'm feeling much, much better. Hez is happy.

Fun fact

Here's something you may not know about me:

I can no longer make it from point A to point B without having to pee.

For example... right before I leave my office at 5pm each day, I go to the bathroom first. Then I hop on the subway for a nice, short 10-minute ride to Union Station.

But now (unlike before), as soon as I get off the subway, I have to madly dash for the Union Station bathroom for fear of not making it through the train ride home without bursting.

This is sad for many reasons.

But the main reason I find it sad and depressing? I must resort to using the World's Most Disgusting Washroom every day.

Ah yes, Union Station bathrooms. I like to call them the Trainspotting bathrooms. (If you've seen Trainspotting, you know the horror I'm referring to). They're nasty, people. I don't even want to go into detail, as I really don't like making my dear readers sick to their stomachs.

(Therefore, I won't tell you about the thick, curly pubic hair that was staring up at me from the edge of the seat yesterday. Or the unidentifiable stain on the floor I couldn't help but shrink with fear from. Or the freezing cold water that sprays with such a strong force that it feels like you're being poked by a million needles while trying to wash your hands. Which - in turn - results in water "run off" all over your jacket, pants and sometimes even face.)

No, no... instead - I'll just tell you that they're gross.

And I'll admit here and now, that even though I'm loving pregnancy, there are SOME things about being pregnant that just aren't enjoyable in any way, shape or form.

Nope. Don't like this peeing constantly thing one bit.

There - I'm human. I admit it. I'm not all schmultzy and "oh pregnancy is WONDERFUL!" all the time.

I'm sure my baby will understand.

Pics and stuff

Last night I went to meet one of my midwives who I hadn't met yet (she was on mat leave - ha!) Anyway, so it was my 27-week appointment.

And now I have few exciting things to report:

• I passed my glucose test! Woo! It all came back normal. So, I don't have Gestational Diabetes and my baby is doing fine.
• My belly is measuring 28cm. They say it should roughly correspond with how many weeks along you are. And since I'm 27 weeks, my belly is right on target. Yay! I'm normal! And I'm not necessarily having a mammoth baby!
• While sitting in the waiting room, Andrew and I were looking at my tummy (I told him I could feel some pressure-type movement going on in there). And suddenly - we both saw the baby make my tummy move!! It was really cool. Andrew's been feeling her move for a while... and now we're seeing it, too. Very cool.
• I start seeing my midwives every 2 weeks now. Hurrah! I love going and talking about my baby, listening to her heartbeat and other such fun things. Now I get to do it every 2 weeks. Wow. I'm officially in the 3rd trimester, yo.

So... now it's picture time. Feast your eyes on a few snaps from my lovely baby shower on Sunday. (PS: Some of the pics are clickable for a closer look).

This is Mumsie and I before the shower began. Three generations right there. Look how young and lovely my Mom is! Good genes in our fam, I would say.

Here's one of my favourite people in the universe... my cousin Angela - all smiles.

Neither one of us were ready for this pic. But doesn't my kitchen look lovely?

Full house. Lots of ladies. Lots of little babies.

My friends Kim and Jen, with the adorable Nate.

We got some awesome presents. This is the sleep sack I plan on wrapping wee baby in so she can sleep at night and not disturb her poor, tired parents. Hear that, wee baby??

Cute wash cloths and towels. So. Adorable.

Little Nate was loving all the action. Or, he was just loving his Auntie Jen's cuddles.

The cake!! Isn't it awesome? It tasted divine, as well.

I think it's safe to say I've been spoiled so far.

Baby showers

Okay. So I'm officially EXHAUSTED. (Drinking a latte now in hopes of lifting my eyelids a little).

But I'm also overwhelmed with happiness. (And little girly clothes).

Yesterday was my baby shower - hosted by my lovely Mom, with my sister in law and mother in law helping out. There were 29 women all piled into my living room/dining room area, along with several babies and another pregnant lady (my friend Amy who's due like ANY SECOND NOW).

It was awesome having everyone there. All the family and friends - together in a "world's colliding" type scenario.

And - oh. MAH. Goodness. The generosity!! The gifts were amazing. I absolutely can NOT get over how insanely cute little girl clothes are. And - believe you me - everybody LOVES to buy girl clothes. (How could you not go to a baby shower with a little girly outfit, right??)

So I got clothes, clothes, and more clothes. Plus some awesome things that I'll really need before baby arrives.

All in all, it was a fun, fabulous day. And I felt great.

Here's me just before the shower at 27 weeks:

More shower pics to come, hopefully! I didn't take any... so I'm waiting to see if anybody will be sending me some soon. Stay tuned!

I suck

My posts are short and sporadic lately. I suck. I'm sorry.

However, I'm exhausted right now. Like - DRAINED. Went to bed at 9pm last night... but I'm still having trouble keeping my eyes open. Wishing I could be in my bed right now.

That sort of thing.

Soooo... I promise to post something much better about me and baby on Monday. My baby shower is actually this Sunday, so I'll have much exciting stuff to discuss next week! (If you consider little baby items exciting, that is.)

Have a good weekend, peeps.

Mmmm... sugary goodness

I'm off to have my glucose test done this morning.

This involves me going to a lab, drinking a giant sickly-sweet beverage, sitting there for an hour (you're not allowed to leave) and then having my blood taken.

Woo! I've got to run now... so I'll fill you in on how much fun it was when I'm back.

~Hez

A life lesson, brought to you by Ellen Degeneres

Over the weekend, I watched an episode of Oprah I had recorded on my PVR (that thing has changed my life, I tell you. But that topic is for another day, another blog.)

Anyway, the episode happened to be featuring Ellen Degeneres. And, of course, Ellen's relationship with her wife Portia came up. Oprah said that she noticed Ellen's face light up when Portia walked in the room - and that Ellen seemed to be radiating joy lately.

Ellen's answer? "I'm happy." Simple as that.

(Sort of.)

Ellen elaborated to say that she felt like once she came into her own, and started living like she was meant to live - as who she was meant to be - she found herself happier and happier.

I swear, Ellen was talking about me right then and there. (Except for the whole successful gay woman with her own talk show and lots of money thing. Other than that - we're totally the same.)

When people keep asking me how I'm doing, or how my pregnancy is going, I just keep saying "I'm good! Really good!" Sometimes I can see them looking for a little bit more explanation. What about cravings? Or exhaustion? How about the heartburn? Yep - I've dealt with all of that. But, it doesn't seem to come into my mind when first asked how I'm doing. And I find that I really don't have any other words to explain to people how I'm doing, other than:

I'm happy.

I'm just so happy lately. I was happy before, but I feel like maybe - just maybe - I've started to discover who I'm supposed to be in life.

I'm a decent wife. A good daughter and sister. A pretty good friend.

But I think I'm meant to be a Mother.

I think I've already discovered a new side of me that's beginning to make me into a better person.

Ever since Andrew and I had that first ultrasound and saw our little baby, all tiny and a little alien-like, I've been different. I've been a bit more relaxed. I've felt good. I'm excited for all that is to come. The little things rarely get me down these days.

And I think in turn, I'm a better wife (I love Andrew more and more every day and can't wait to see this new side of him as Daddy), I'm a more appreciative daughter, I try to be a more thoughtful friend.

I fully realize that I'm at risk of sounding schmaltzy and all "puppies and rainbows" all the time. But you know? I just don't give a hoot. I'm going to smile right through it all.

Because I'm happy.

So very happy.

Let's all start with a little Mamas and the Papas

Monday, Monday... do do, do do do do do do do... (Imagine that being sung. By the Mamas and the Papas, I believe?)

Anyway. Here we are. Another Monday. Another week. And that would mean - another weekend is sadly over.

I had a great weekend, though. So I can't complain. It was one of those "do very little so you feel relaxed and chilled out" weekends, but still: "do just enough so you don't feel like a huge sloth". Perfect.

A few of the things that made this weekend rather enjoyable:

• Saturday night with the hubster. We rented a couple of movies and ordered in some Thai food. So we gobbled down our Green Curry, Chicken Pad Thai and Cold Salad Rolls on the couch, in front of the TV. Very relaxed. Very nice.
• Sunday hockey game. I went to watch Andrew play - and was pleasantly surprised when a friend showed up with her 1 month old baby. So. Cute. So. Little. So. So. So. Adorable. I was in heaven.
• Cook/Bake Fest 2009. Andrew and I got home from hockey and made dinner together: baked salmon with an orange mango sauce and an asian slaw. We made dinner side-by-side as we chatted and laughed and sampled the fare. Afterwards, we made oatmeal raisin cookies for dessert. And they were FAN-friggin-TASTIC. Then we retired to the couch again for tea and cookies.

Those types of weekends aren't very exciting.

But they're pretty darn sweet.

Oh! And baby didn't disappoint her Daddy again last night. Sunday evenings seem to be her favourite time to let her Dad know she can hear him. Andrew put his hand on my tummy and felt quite a few kicks just before bed last night.

Then he put his head on my tummy and baby nudged him in the side of the head, but good! I think she was letting him that he was encroaching in on her space.

You know - just a warning.

This is HER tummy for now. :)

I have a post coming... very soon! I'm just delayed cause my train was late today and I'm now getting caught up at work on regular Monday morning stuff.

Please check back!! I haven't abandoned my regular blogging schedule! :)

Hez

Feeling fine

I realized I didn't follow up on my cold status from a few blogs ago.

Things are going quite well, actually. I felt cruddy Friday, but woke up feeling so-so on Saturday. I felt okay enough to run a few errands and hang out with friends Saturday night (after a 2 hour afternoon nap, that is). Woo for naps!

Sunday I felt tired and sorta crappy. But I never really developed anything more than a stuffed up/runny nose and a headache.

Since then, I've been feeling better and better every day. So - the cold never really developed or achieved any significant status.

To which I say: Ha! Take that, cold! With your stuffy nose and your headache and your desire to make me feel much shittier than I ended up feeling. My strong immune system (even whilst pregnant) and my relatively healthy eating habits will laugh in your face! Laugh, I say! And then they'll dance a jig as you hang your head and walk shamefully away.

So. Yeah. All is good. I'm back to myself.

Hurrah! :)

Playing the little wifey role

Last night, hubster had to work late, unexpectedly. So, being the good wifey that I am, I decided to get dinner ready and have it waiting for my man when he walked in the door after a long day.

(I would have poured him a scotch and put on my face before he got home, too - but we had no scotch. And I just couldn't bring myself to carry out the little wife routine that far.)

Anyway. Yes, I also had a long day. But still! My man needs a wife at home who will cook for him occasionally. (Read: once a month... maybe.)

So, I prepared dinner, cleaned the kitchen, loaded the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and waited for hubby to walk through the door.

Then I remembered that I had the car that day. So, AGAIN being the good wifey that I am, I called him and told him to let me know when he was done work so I could come and pick him up.

After picking him up, SERVING HIM DINNER and then cleaning everything up afterwards... I decided that I should bake my man some fresh blueberry muffins.

So I did.

And then I checked my pulse, looked at myself in the mirror to see if it was still me and wondered where the hell Hez had gone and when she was coming back.

Needless to say, hubster enjoyed his evening.

25 week update

So... yeah.

Remember when I wrote about how I let comments like "you're big for how far along you are" kind of get me down a bit?

Well.

Allow me to present exhibit A:

Holy crap, I AM big!! "As big as a house" as my dear old Dad put it.

This is me at 25 weeks. Giant belly and all. Of course I'm fine with being big. I've got a baby growing in there, so I know it's all normal and natural. I'm just a little shocked because I don't really see myself this way when I look in the mirror.

Anyway. Wake up call. I will no longer gripe about how I think I'm not THAT big, because clearly? I am.

Again... I'm fine with it. I welcome it. I love being preggers. I'm not saying I don't want to be this way at all. I'm just surprised. (And I'm sure many of you can understand why I find it surprising. I mean, it's not a common occurrence to wake up larger and larger with each passing week. This is a first for me, peeps. Just getting used to it. That's all.)

So - here are a few 25-week stats for y'all:

How far along: 25 weeks, 2 days.

Symptoms: Feeling pretty good! Still have a bit of the acid reflux... but other than that, I can't complain much.

Weight gain: 19.5 lbs. Or... it was 19.5 lbs. 2 weeks ago. I'm sure that's changed, what with Halloween, Andrew's birthday (cake!) and my brother's birthday (more cake!) all occurring in the past 2 weeks.

Current food descriptor for baby: Eggplant. I'll say that again for emphasis: Eggplant. (That's big, yo!)

Movement: LOTS! Andrew felt another few kicks last night. (Finally.) Seems baby likes to show off her skills for Daddy on Sunday nights.

That's about it. My giant belly and I are off to go get our mid-morning snack on.

Cold... part 1?

I'm documenting right here and now that I feel like poo today.

I want to keep a record to see how many times I actually get sick over the winter season while pregnant this year. I'm hoping to God, Allah, Jebus and anyone else listening up there, that I don't get super-sick all season.

Symptoms this time around include:

1. Sore throat (Started earlier in the week and went away. So I'm actually not suffering from it right now).
2. Headache.
3. Stuffed up AND runny nose.
4. Groggy feeling overall.

I have a feeling that all I need is some rest. Hoping that this weekend provides me with much opportunity for it.

Anywho - the "feeling like poo" count begins. Wish me luck that this is short-lived.

I wish I knew how to quit you

So – my great dilemma of the day: How do I break up with my cleaning lady?

(Oh god, I am SUCH a snotty white girl.)

Seriously though. When baby gets here, hubster and I are going to be tightening up our budget in many ways. Not commuting downtown on the expensive GO transit system and subway will help.

(Not being a sucker for Christmas at Starbucks will also help. Today is the third day in a row I've gone by to treat myself to an expensive beverage, mostly because I love their Christmas cups.)

Anyway. So we've decided that it would be ridiculous to continue to pay someone to come clean our house every 2 or 3 weeks, when I'm fully capable of doing it myself. (We also won't really have any spare cash floating around since I'll be on E.I. and broke and all).

The only reason we have a cleaning person now is because we're both busy with our full time jobs and regular errands and house stuff and so on, that when the weekend rolls around, we either have very little time to do it ourselves, or we're just too exhausted to do a proper job from top-to-bottom.

Enough rationalizing though.

Now, how do I break it off in a nice, polite way? Sure it sounds like it's easy enough. Just say "I'm going to be home on maternity leave, so we'll be doing our own cleaning". Simple.

But for some reason I'm terrified of sounding like some snobby, privileged 30 year-old to my 60-something cleaning lady. I don't want to be all "We'll no longer be needing you dah-ling... but thank you for your service thus far. Please be a dear and see yourself out, m'kay?"

I think too much. I know.

Anyway. I'm sure I'll come up with something polite to say and say it at the right time. But in the meantime, I'll be Classic Hez and will be festering over what she'll think of me, how I'll come across and whether or not she likes me.

Ah, paranoia. It suits me so well, no?

Zzzzz......(again)

I'm starting to feel very tired in the evenings. And I'm only 24 weeks along.

This makes me nervous for the next 16 weeks of gestation. (16 weeks! Gah!)

(Mamas who remember being 24 weeks pregnant - help me! Tell me it'll all be okay! Lie to me if you need to!)

Personally, I think it's the whole working thing. Getting up every day to get showered, dressed, commute, spend 8 busy hours at the office before commuting home, having dinner, getting lunch ready for the next day, and whatever else is going on... well - it's suddenly very tiring.

Of course, I may just need a good jog to get my energy going again. (I haven't gotten any exercise at all since Sunday. And even then - it was very little. My body is mad at my laziness of late, I suspect.)

So, I'm off tonight for a little jog/walk with my Running Room group. Hopefully that'll cure what ails me.

Or... It'll completely knock me out.

A swift kick in the noggin'

We think hubster got kicked in the ear last night.

Here's why.

I went to bed to read for a little bit before going to sleep while Andrew was downstairs finishing up some stuff around the house.

Somehow, Arwen the cat (who has "somebody's in bed!" radar) knew to immediately crawl on top of me at that moment and beg for love and affection. So, as she was sitting on my tummy, nudging my hand to rub the side of her face (I could no longer read, as Princess Arwen would have none of that), I felt the baby move. Like... really move.

It was the first real, true, undeniable 'kick' I've felt. I've definitely experienced lots of movement up until now. But this felt like a real little foot or leg or arm actually nudging me!

My eyes went wide as I stared at Arwen. "Did you feel that?!?!" I asked.

Arwen just stared at me and purred into my face.

So I called Andrew to come upstairs, hoping he could feel something.

"The baby moved! Like a BIG kick!" I exclaimed.

"Cool. Maybe I'll feel her this time," Andrew smiled as he rested his hand on my tummy. (Arwen had long since left, clearly annoyed by the fact that I raised my voice in her presence).

After feeling no movement for a little while, we decided Andrew should put his head on my stomach to see what he could hear in there.

And that's when it happened.

"Did you just move your jaw?" I asked.

"No. Did you just move or stretch or something?" he asked me.

"No... That wasn't me."

"Well, if it wasn't you and it wasn't me... I think I just got a little kick to the side of the head."

Then we spent the next 5 minutes grinning at each other goofily.

Things that make me feel better:

1. The weekend.
2. Going to a cute cafe with a good friend for a giant hot chocolate to catch up.
3. Getting a facial at a spa.
4. Spending time with the hubster and good friends.
5. Going for a short run in crisp weather.
6. Lazy Sundays.
7. All of my amazing family and friends who make everything in life wonderful.

Thanks guys. :)