The Incredible Hez

So my week of emotional imbalance is over. Thank goodness.

I try not to chalk things up to my "time of the month"... but last week I was all over the place and I'm not quite sure why (other than the fact that Aunt Flo was in town). I was furious at one point. Cheerful at another. Crying at other times. It was ridiculous.

Anyway - so, as I told my hubby and my Mom, I've realized that my responses to situations are almost always emotional first. I'm not very logical or rational. The first thing I feel is an extreme emotion. Hence the crying, screaming and feeling of elation.

Also, I've likened myself to the Incredible Hulk. I can feel these emotional responses coming on, but I can't stop them. Especially when I'm angry. It's quite sad, really. I mean - I can feel myself getting furious... but I can't stop myself from becoming a giant, green freak. Ah well.

At least I'm self-aware. On to the next week!

Having a good cry

I'm temporarily out of commission. I can't blog right now. I'm too busy sobbing after watching the documentary "Autism: The Musical". 

And... wait... one sec... Okay. Yep. Still sobbing. 

Life is strange

I just found out that one of my brother’s ex-girlfriends died of brain cancer yesterday. She was 2 weeks shy of turning 29. My age.

Of course this is shocking news to me. I knew her – not very well – and, admittedly, we weren’t close. But she was a young, vibrant girl the same age as me.

It’s moments like this that send me reeling. Just two days ago, I was furious with a co-worker over something that seems so petty when I put it into perspective. I spent precious hours of my life being hateful and unhappy. It’s kind of horrifying when I think about how this girl no longer has any hours left in her life. She’s gone.

I will be the first to admit that it takes something tragic for me to realize how good life is. And that’s a sad, sad thing.

There’s too much to wake up each morning and be happy for. I’m just happy for the very fact that I am waking up each day. As are my loved ones and friends.

Just a little reminder. Enjoy each day.

Blah blah blah blah...

The sky outside today really seems to match my mood. Dull and overcast. In other words, I'm blah.

Today is just one of those days where lots of things just seem kind of crappy. Some are big and crappy, some - I can admit - are small and crappy. But still crappy.

My music is even against me. (Or in tune with my mood... no pun intended). I'm listening to my iPod on a random shuffle and every, single song that's randomly playing is slow, moody and depressing. Blech.

At times like this, I really don't know what's best for me. I could stay in my funk and wallow in it until my fingers get all pruney. Or I could do something positive. Like - eat a giant cookie (but that would be emotional eating and I'm really trying to avoid that lately...) Or I could go for a walk (Buy it's yucky out. Don't see how that will help). I might go for a mini-shopping trip on lunch. But Aunt Flo came to visit me and I'm thinking that I'll feel bloated and blah in anything I try on.

Wow - I'm starting to annoy myself just reading this post back.

Ooo... "You don't own me" by The Blow Monkeys just came on my iPod. That song is a somewhat uplifting depressing song (if that exists...) Suddenly I feel slightly better.

Nope. It passed. I'm heading out to get a giant cookie.

The inner workings of my brain

Not sure what to write about today. But I feel like writing. So here's my stream of consciousness at 10:44am on a Thursday:

Peanut butter. Mmm. How I love thee. PB never fails to make me happy. Wait - is it wrong that peanut butter makes me happy? That's weird isn't it? It is. I'm weird. Oh well. That's the way the cookie crumbles. Cookies... mmmm. Rain. I don't know why, but rain just popped into my head. What a downer. It's not going to rain today though. I think. So that's good. But hey - if it does, at least it's rain and not snow. Stupid snow. It better not snow anymore now that it's spring. Hurrah for spring! Then again, it doesn't feel like spring. Lousy Smarch weather. Okay, okay... gotta get on a more positive stream. Puppies. Puppies are positive. Like Duffy. My Ma and Pa's dog, who isn't technically a puppy anymore, but is super adorable. Duffy totally loves me. I can tell. He gets super excited when I come over. That's cause he knows I rock. Dogs are very intuitive.

Damn hammy

Another day, another injury. Seriously. Now my hamstring is acting up. (Same leg as my calf problems).

I don't know what's going on - because I have been told by my running "coach" and a biomechanics guy that my running form is good. So - what's the deal with my freakin' bod??

Anyway, to counter the strains and pulls and all that, I'm going to try something new. I'm heading to yoga tonight. Ommmmmmmmmmm...

I've tried yoga in the past and I have to admit - I'm not really into it. During my first experience with it, we were told to chant. Um... yeah. I felt slightly ridiculous chanting. To all who like to chant - more power to you! I'm just not a chanter. Also, I hate going barefoot at the gym for several reasons: Reason 1 - dirty gym floors. Ew. Reason 2 - I have winter feet. My tootsies are not "prepped" to be bare yet. Reason 3 - dirty gym floors. Really grosses me out seeing someone else's hair stuck on the bottom of my foot.

Anyway, that aside, I have a feeling the stretching and lengthening of my muscles (and the building of my core strength) will be nothing but good for me. So I'm going to test it out. I'll let you know how it goes.

Namastey.

Whale Oil Beef Hooked

I know I'm getting older when celebrating St. Patty's Day on a Monday evening just does not appeal to me whatsoever. And I love St. Patty's Day. Love it. I'm part Irish, I've been to Ireland, I love beer - it's like this day is made-to-order for me. But drinking on a Monday night? It's a total no-go for me.

Instead, I'll be going home for dinner with the hubby and then we'll be heading out to the gym. Woo - we're exciting folks!

Ah well. There's always next year (Tuesdays are slightly more acceptable for a night of drinking).

Slainte!

Coffee twin!!

So, last night I went out for drinks with two co-workers. We had a pint or two and started talking about how funny we are (naturally, we all find our own jokes funny). It wasn't long before we had each other close to convulsions we were laughing so hard.

Here's what made us almost hyperventilate:
"Oh no! I've lost your pen. But there's your sweat paper!"
"I've drunk a lot. Here's one hundred dollars."
"It's 10:45 and I am so tired. And I'm very tired."

Yep. Those three sentences (uttered by us at different points in the evening) had us laughing so hard we could barely breathe. I actually woke up this morning still chuckling and couldn't wait to get back to the office to rehash the evening again.

I know what you're thinking. That's so not funny to you, is it? But I'm sure you've had one of these moments. These ladies obviously know what I'm talking about:

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=-ib_7wGdtf4

Hi my name is Hez. And I'm a runner.

Had a calf massage today.

Have you ever had your legs massaged? I don't mean rubbed down all nicey-nice so you feel all good and tingly. I mean a deep-tissue, get-right-in-there-to-the-meat-of-the-muscle, sweat-inducing pain massage.

"Why would one ever subject themselves to that?" you ask. Well, the only conclusion I can come to is that I might be crazy.

You see - I've fallen in love with running. And with running and training for a half marathon comes muscle issues. So, in order to fix those issues, I've got to go to extremes. I've tried the RICE method (Rest Ice Compression Elevate... I feel like one of those "holier than thou" athlete assholes for even knowing that). Anyway - so the RICE thing ain't totally working for me.

Hence the self-infliction of torture.

In defense of the massage therapist, I've got to say that I feel WAY better right now. I think it might be working!

So yeah. Now I'm officially in the group of "injured runners". If I'm being honest - it's kind of cool to have some battle scars. "Oh yeah - I hurt my calf when I was training for the half. Yeah... no big deal though. I'm a runner."

Okay, I'm done now.

Fan-frickin' tastic moods

La la la... do do do... good morning... good MORNING! (This is me singing).

I'm in one of those unexplainably-bordering-on-slightly-crazy fantastic moods today. Seriously - I swear a pair of little blue birdies parted my curtains for me to let the sun shine in as I arose from my slumber this morning.

I hopped out of bed and went to spinning class bright and early. Then I came home, showered, had some brekkies and I haven't stopped smiling yet.

I've been overly happy to see everyone at work this morning and I keep singing to myself, too.

It shouldn't be too long now until I start annoying people. But until then...

Good morning everyone!

Sunday

Sometimes I feel like Doogie Howser when I'm writing these blogs.

Anyone remember how at the end of each show he used to have something very prolific to type out on his blue computer screen? Not that I'm prolific. But when you would see Doogie's cursor pause on the screen, you knew he was "thinking". That's how I feel when I'm writing these. I'm deep in thought. What should I tell you about myself today? What should I share?

Yesterday was such a day of highs and lows - where to begin...

Well, I braved the snowy conditions and went for a 13km run. (Yes - I might just be crazy.) Our running group was scheduled to meet at 8:30am so Mom and I showed up (we were 2 of the 6 that actually came out for a run). It was supposed to be an 11km run, but it ended up being 13... through snow. Which is like running through sand. It was really tough - but we were out in the sun and the fresh air - and at the end of it, I had that overwhelming sense of accomplishment again.

Then I went to a friend's Mom's memorial service. M. and J. lost their Mom last week, 4 days before M's wife gave birth (she delivered on the morning of the memorial service). It's incredibly sad to think of friends my age losing a parent - especially at such an important time in their lives. But it was incredibly moving to see how all "the hockey boys" showed up. All of our friends pulled together and were there for M. and J. in their time of need.

After that I met my Dad for dinner and a movie. It was his birthday present from me. We shared good conversation over a bunch of appetizers at a really cute little thai restaurant and then went out for our favourite things - popcorn and movies. We're so much alike. So it was fun to be together - just the two of us.

So that was my day. And this blog post is just a snippet of me - deep in thought.

Things I've learned

Here are some fun facts:

• Not all slush freezes over night. This I learned when I walked to work today. First, I carefully avoided one pile of "slush" and then realized that it had actually frozen over. Score! I can walk over it! So I was all "Hey next slush pile - you don't scare me! I'm going to walk right over you!" Only said slush pile was not frozen. And now I have very wet feet.
• Puffs tissues with lotion just sound comforting. They don't actually work. When you have a constant runny nose, there ain't nothing that will stop that flaky skin from forming around your nostrils. And may I add that when you apply makeup to flaky skin area the result is absolutely lovely!
• Bret Michaels is a sad, sad man. And I think the women who are attempting to prove they are "worthy" of his affection on the reality show "Rock of Love" are insane women-haters. This show is almost as bad as "Age of love" - another fabulous reality series that forces women to compete against each other (read: completely rip each other's self esteem to shreds) for enduring, true and lasting love. (Disclaimer: I do not actually follow this show. I watched 5 minutes of it last night and now feel that women's place in society has made a giant leap backwards. Awesome!)

That is all.

I want a cookie

So... yeah. I'm always, always trying to lose weight. (Of course, I don't really try THAT hard. Or does having Taco Bell Fries Supreme on Saturday night count as trying to lose weight??)

Anyway, I'm also sick. And when I'm sick enough to need comfort - but not so deathly ill that even thinking about food makes me want to vomit - I tend to crave things. Like cookies.

Today, I want a cookie. A big, chocolate chip cookie. Slightly warmed so that it's ooey and gooey in the middle, but a bit crisp around the edges.

I'll follow it up with a cup of steaming tea. And then I will have reached my nirvana.

Methinks I'll be heading to Le Gourmand today. (They have those cookies that are about as big as your face. I kid you not.) The only thing that's keeping me going today is the thought of a giant cookie.

Am I just like a 5 year old or what??