Truer words were never spoken

"Kingdom of numb/closet of hurt/feelings are dumb/kisses are dirt."

-Lyrics to "Politically Incorrect," a song sung by Homer Simpson while fronting the '90s grunge band "Sadgasm".

It just doesn't get any greater than that. And if you're not convinced yet... check out "Margerine" by Sadgasm:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=uBDBM2Vi23Q

For Duders

This blog post is for my Dad.

I've written a lovely, thought-provoking post today on what's going on in my life right now. Here's a synopsis:

• I seem to be having a muscle cramp or some kind of pain in my calf, which is affecting my running. Rather unfortunate.
• On Sunday, I was sleepy, so I took a nap.
• I've been very busy at work this week.
• I have a chicken wrap for lunch today.
• Right now, I'm sipping a latte. Did you know that I'm drinking coffee (with lots of foamy milk) now?

That's about it. I know how you love reading blogs about these kinds of details, so I thought I'd be nice and keep you updated on all the VERY important happenings in my life.

Love you! Have a good day!

As my bro says: "FRIDAAAAAAYYYY!!!"

OMG, OMG!!! It's Friday!

Woo. Wasn't sure I'd make it to today without some kind of mini-breakdown. But here I am! In a good mood. On Friday.

I think it might be due to a hormonal imbalance, but I was grumpers yesterday. Grumpy Gus. That was me. Today - it's a new day. I'm in a good mood and will be feeling even better if and when I wake up.

Oh - and here's a little "yay me" kind of thing... some creative I did with my parnter has been received fabulously by the client and by the general public apparently (results were great!) So I feel validated. I AM a good writer! haha.

Anyway - here's to Friday! Tonight I'll be raising a pint to the end of the week with some friends and co-workers while listening to a fun band play at a pub nearby. Life is good.

Thank you for not smoking

When hubby works the day shift during the week, we need to share our one car. So - I often walk to the GO train so that he can take the car to work (it's much more convenient for him... aren't I nice??) Anyway, GO train-ers are quite predictable. We follow a schedule. I see the same people every morning around the same time. We don't like to stray from routine.

Lately (since I've been walking more), I've encountered an unpleasant regularly scheduled occurrence on my morning walk each day. And that would be: Smokey Lady. Smokey Lady is a fellow walker. However, unlike me - who enjoys taking in the quiet and fresh air first thing in the morning - Smokey Lady likes to haul on a ciggy while trucking along to the train.

And of course, Smokey Lady walks just fast enough that I can't bypass her on the little, narrow pathway we must walk each day. There's nowhere else for me to walk. So I must endure Smokey Lady.

I know she has every right to walk and smoke outside. But personally, I am disgusted by the fact that I have to breathe in her exhaled smoke. It's gross. And it makes me hate her - from her little gloves she wears (they must smell SO bad) to her finely wrinkled face. Smokey Lady sucks.

So, I say "boo" to smokers. Booooooooo!!!!

That's all. Me and my pink little lungs will get off the soap box now.

Working for the weekend

I feel a crazy week coming on.

It's going to be very busy at work and the other writer went on vacation (the bum!). Oh, and my half marathon training is starting this week, too.

So, I decided to get in here nice and early today to start the week off right. I'm slurping my latte now, mentally preparing myself for the insanity that will be this week, while enjoying a rare quiet moment.

Here's to peaceful mornings. Enjoy the week, everyone.

Bird watching

Have you ever been caught staring at someone?

That happened to me on the subway this morning (not the best place to stare at people as there's a strong chance that the person you're staring at could be crazy. Or you could be mistaken for a crazy. Only crazies stare.)

Anyway, back to the story. The reason I was staring this morning was because I think I saw the Most Beautiful Woman Ever. And I was in awe.

Her completely flawless Asian skin was the perfect tone and colour. Her hair was luxurious, with no broken pieces or fly-aways. Her face was a lovely shape. Her makeup done just right. And of course, her style was impeccable.

She was gorgeous. And while I was trying to take it all in (to get hints and tips for myself), I got caught. She looked at me and I immediately saw an uncomfortable look cross her perfect visage.

I, of course, looked away instantly, trying to appear disinterested and play it cool. I could only do it for a moment though. I couldn't help but steal a few glances here and there. It was like my eyes were drawn to her. Like a car crash, only wrapped up in beauty and loveliness and light.

Obviously this sighting has affected me greatly. Either I'm very appreciative of beauty and the fine things in life -- or I should reconsider my interest in men.

A note for my friend K.

Hello my friend, K. This post is for you.

Dear K,

How are you doing today as you work from home without your pants on? Enjoying yourself? I'm sure it's a lovely way to spend the day.

Things are going along swimmingly with me. I'm feeling slightly sleepy, but that may be due to my lack of caffeine today (I didn't get a chance to have my daily latte).

Let me fill you in on some things that are happening around the office today:

-B. has invited everyone over to his office to indulge in some spirits after closing time today (now that he has a beer fridge in there)

-Some of the account ladies find me especially funny (yay me!) after reading the many quotes on B's wall

-My partner A. is sniffling and hacking up a lung -- avoid her at all costs when you're back, unless you want to get ill

-I'm feeling too restless to work (hence, the writing of this blog on company time)

That's about it. Hope you're doing well! See you when you're back, dear K.

~Hez

Music, man

With my readership growing, I feel that I must write every day now. (I certainly don't want to disappoint my fans!) However, coming up with something (interesting) to talk about each day can be a bit challenging. So - my lovely friend R. provided me with a topic to discuss for today:

"If your life were a soundtrack, what songs would be on it?"

Oooo... this one is good. It requires a lot of thought, though. I don't want to be too hasty and just start listing off songs I like. I really need to think - how does a song describe me?

First of all, I'm pretty sure I'd include "Where's the party?" by Madonna. Not only is this song from her classic"True Blue" album (which has been a personal fave of mine since way back in the days when I wore neon and headbands religiously), it also pretty much describes the fun, party-girl side to my personality. (I love, love, love a good party!)

As cheesy as it sounds, I think I'd have to include "All you need is love" by the Beatles. I'm all about love. And I've got so much of it in my life, that I really, truly believe it's one of the single most important things someone can experience in life.

What else? What else?

Right - well I have to list a few songs that I just love... These songs are also tunes that induce much daydreaming in me, which is always a good sign:

Hurt by Johnny Cash (cover)
Say it Ain't So by Weezer
Andy You're a Star by the Killers
La Vie en Rose by Louis Armstrong
Highway Girl by the Tragically Hip

Wow - I'm finding this really hard. Must think some more... Then I'll get back to the list and perhaps revise.

In the meantime, what would be on your list?

F#%$*&% censorship!

Most of the time I think about censoring my blogs because I know that certain people, like my Mom and my husband's parents, read it.

But when you really think about it, my blog is for me. And not writing whatever pops into my head at the moment sex no matter how rude or offensive or uncomfortable vagina it may be, is censorship. Which just isn't good for me.

So, from now on - I write without shame.

Get ready for blogs rampant with swear words and long ramblings about how drunk I got last weekend.

What a freeing sensation!

PS: Given the topic of this blog, I thought it appropriate to ask this question. Have you ever gone into a bathroom at work (like I just did), and been hit in the face by a horrid smell, but really had to pee, so you went in anyway... just hoping to get in and out as quickly as possible, only to find that as you're washing your hands, another person walks in and gets that same "oh my god - what died in here??" expression on their face that you had moments ago - and then glares at you as if you were the culprit??? I hate that.

What the world needs now

Things the world obviously needs more of:

Writers. Some may consider it an improvement to the whole "award show" thing, but if I have to watch one more press conference-style show in place of the glitz and glam of real Hollywood awards, I will cry.

Love. With more love, there will be less shitty stuff in the world. Like random shootings on the street. Or random murders of Grandfathers who are out delivering Christmas cards. That's just so wrong I can't even begin to find words for how wrong it is.

Money. Everybody seems to need/want/benefit from more money. And after watching a documentary on debt in America, I got very scared. Yep. Send more money.

Writers. (Did I mention this one?) I've missed my new Dexter episodes.

Tea. (This is just based on my own observation). But yeah - I love tea. Can't beat a good cuppa.

Everything's turning up Hezzie

I don't want to jinx things... but I've had a bunch of good things happen in the past little while, so I'm pretty darn happy right now.

Here's a synopsis:
- an old co-worker and good friend of mine will most likely be offered a job at my current place of employment (and I love, love, love her... so I'm pretty excited!)
- I'm having sushi for lunch today
- someone (who I have a feeling is reliable) is coming to quote the drywalling in our basement... finally!
- I got a paper cut on my lip this morning (that's not the good part)... but it didn't really hurt AND it ended up making me the comic relief in the meeting I was in, which is always fun. I like making people laugh
- I just read the soy sauce packet that came with my sushi and it says that it's preservative free... bonus!
- It's Friday

Anyway - so yeah, all is good. Every day should be as good as today. So says Hezzie.

Wordplay

Yesterday I came across a funny-sounding word. It was kerfuffle. I inexplicably started giggling. And then I remembered the time I spent an afternoon looking up funny words (I was bored that day at work). I came across quite a few winners that were just inherently funny.

Words like: noodle, discombobulate, masticate, tutelage, pooched. Go ahead - say the word out loud. (It's much funnier that way). Noodle. Nooooooodle. (Hee hee)

Anyway... there was one that gave me a great belly laugh. And it was:

Mustachioed
The state of having a mustache.

I could not stop giggling to myself. I actually called a co-worker into my office to share it with her, it was so funny to me.

Imagine my delight when the VERY NEXT DAY(!), a movie with Chris Rock came out on the big screen and some lovely film critic wrote this review in the paper I was reading:

NEW YORK, March 8, 2007
(AP) In Chris Rock's new film, he plays a mustachioed, bespectacled banker. He's often funny, but just as often serious and self-examining. It's a realistic film adapted from the 1972 French classic "Chloe in the Afternoon."

Oh, the guffaw I had. Yep... it really doesn't take much to amuse me.

Toxicity

So I've finally come up with a New Year's resolution. It's to not sweat the small stuff. To really enjoy each day. To be grateful for what I have and to remember that I'm genuinely happy. And, most importantly, to care less about the toxic people in my life.

For some strange reason, I have this desire to hold on to certain people, ignoring the fact that they don't really get me or appreciate me - and in any moment, they could (and have) hurt me and then don't seem to care about it at all.

It makes me feel bad about myself and then I become this needy type of unhappy person that even I don't like.

These people are toxic. And even though they have their purpose (they really can be fun to be around), I've realized I can't expect much from them. So - let them be toxic. If we happen to cross paths... that's fine. But if we don't, even better.

This is me, taking care of myself. Focusing on the good things I have in life. And this is me... happy.

On the run

This is how I feel on an average morning:

This is how I feel today, after my morning run:


Seriously, I know I'm going to sound like one of those annoying people who actually likes working out. But I actually like working out. It makes me feel so... well - like that picture above.

I've been in a good mood all day today and it's Tuesday (my most despised day of the week. Here's why: on Mondays I've made peace with the fact that it's the beginning of the week and the weekend is over and the next weekend is far, far away. On Wednesdays, it's "hump day". So I know I'm getting closer to the weekend. But Tuesdays? They're just a non-descript, not-quite-middle-of-the-week day that offers nothing to look forward to).

Anyway - so I've been in a great mood and I can only attribute that to the fact that I got my endorphins going big time this morning as I jogged down quiet streets without cars or masses of people around. Just me and Ma and some good conversation. Really, it's a great feeling to start your day in a fantastic mood.

Alright, now before I lose readership due to the "holier-than-thou I-love-being-healthy-and-fit-and-I'm-so-fan-frickin'-tastic" attitude, I will leave you. BUT - I will leave you with this thought:

"Even if you fall flat on your face, at least you are moving forward." ~Sue Lake

Let them write about cake

Apparently lots of people write "food blogs" in order to keep themselves on track with their eating and weight loss. If it works for you, great! But for me - probably not so much.

If I kept track of every morsel that I consumed, I would become an over-obsessed, crazy person who lacked all enjoyment in food. And who would really want to read about what I'm eating daily?? I mean, as my friend J. taught me, blogs should NEVER be about the sandwich you ate for lunch that day.

That's not to say that all food blogs describing sandwiches in detail are taboo. When written by a person who really loves food (and I mean REALLY loves food), a daily food blog can be a thing of beauty. Intricate descriptions of mouth-watering delicacies. Detailed accounts of meals that are so real you can almost smell the dish...

Sorry - I'm getting all caught up in the thought of food, glorious food.

Anyway, for now I think I'll stick to eating food, rather than writing down everything that I eat in an attempt to be "good". After all, some things in life just need to be enjoyed, right?

The most boring story I ever told

I can't think of what to write in my blog today... so I've decided to recount an actual story that I told to my husband one day when he picked me up from work. Here goes:

"So today, I went to Starbucks to get a mocha latte. And normally, I always get the tall size. But today, I thought to myself: 'Self: why don't you go for a grande mocha instead?' So I did. I ordered the grande mocha (the next size up from tall), and you know what? It was too much! I couldn't finish the entire grande."

And that concludes my story. That was it.

About halfway through telling it, I knew it was probably the most boring story I had ever told. So I tried to recover by immediately saying to A. "That was really boring, wasn't it?" He agreed. And he still makes fun of me to this day about it.

I hope you enjoyed.

Kenya will have to wait

This year was going to be the year of my safari trip.

A. and I were going to go to Kenya and Tanzania and experience something that we've always wanted to experience and will probably never, ever forget.

This was the year. Because next year, we'll probably start thinking about kids. (When we're 30). And if kids come into the picture... a safari won't happen. I just know it.

So maybe kids will have to wait longer. (What's another couple of years, really?) Or maybe we'll end up going on safari later on this year. I guess only time will tell.

In the meantime, everyone who's reading my blog right now should really check this out:

http://inyourheartyoualreadyknow.blogspot.com/2008/01/face-of-conflict.html

Falling into place

I've come to realize I'm a creature of habit.

Don't get me wrong, I love being off of a schedule. I love sleeping in until 11am every day, only getting out of my p.js when I feel it's necessary (not when I have to). I love eating whatever I want, whenever I want it. I love firmly planting my butt on the couch, watching movie after movie.

But I also love routine. Call me boring... but I can't help it. The nerdy side of me loves getting up early and working out. And getting to work to have my latte every morning as I check my emails and ease into the day. And eating better. And getting home and relaxing with the hubby before falling into bed for a nice, deep sleep.

When I'm on my schedule, everything just falls into place nicely. Which means I eat better, I sleep better, my skin looks nicer and my hair gets shinier. I'm happier and healthier and overall content.

What a nerd I am. But you gotta love me.

Happy new year everyone!